“Is this where you tell me I need to work on my technique?” Matthew snorted. “That you expected the moment to last a damn sight longer.” As did he.
“No. It’s where I tell you that I, too, am looking for the unique quality that speaks to my soul. And I think I’ve found it.”
Intrigued as to what she found exceptional about his character, he probed further. “Is it loyalty? For I would never betray you, Priscilla.”
“I know.” The corners of her mouth curled up into a sweet smile. “It is many things, yet equally it is one perfect thing.”
“Then it is trust and honesty, faith in general?”
“It is all of those and more.” She pursed her lips, shrugged one shoulder and said, “It is love, Matthew. I have fallen in love with you.”
He shouldn’t have been shocked, but hearing the words aloud made them all the more real.
Panic flared.
He needed more time.
Showing not the slightest disappointment at his silent response, she placed a hand on his cheek. “Don’t be afraid. It can’t be helped. But it shouldn’t change anything between us. I don’t expect a declaration in return.”
Still startled, it took a moment to speak. “Priscilla, I’ve spent a lifetime avoiding emotion.” And for good reason. “I don’t want to be the one to break your heart.”
“You won’t.” Despite sounding confident, her hand slipped from his cheek. “Why would you when you’ve sworn to keep your promise? You’ll always be loyal, honest and true. I ask no more of you than that.”
A hundred questions flittered through his mind.
How was she able to give so freely? Why did she not feel the need to guard her delicate sensibilities? How was it she could love him when he’d given nothing in return?
One thing was certain. This lady deserved so much more than he could give.
Feeling a sudden desire to offer a small gesture in return, he said, “Come. I want to show you something.” He climbed out of bed and dragged on his breeches, aware of her gaze scanning his naked body.
“Where are we going?”
“If I told you, then it wouldn’t be a surprise.”
She bit down on her bottom lip. “Will you come back here afterwards or are you to return to your own room?”
It took but a second to decide. “I think I might find something to entertain me in here.”
“Then I am more than happy to oblige.” She sat up but flopped back down. “Oh, I feel exhausted.”
“And yet I did most of the work.” The playful banter distracted his mind.
“Work? Was it such a chore?”
“You know damn well it wasn’t.” Being intimate with her required little effort. “Now get dressed. It’s cold in the attic, so you’ll need a wrapper as well as your nightgown.”
“The attic?” Curious, she sat up again and gave him her full attention. “Why do we need to go up there? Mrs Jacobs said there’s nothing but old chests and broken furniture, that you keep the door locked.”
“That’s because I don’t want anyone snooping around in there.”
“If you’re implying that I might—”
“I’m not talking about you. I don’t want drunken lords rummaging through my belongings while trying to find a secluded place to do their business.”
The thought of their house packed with a horde of brandy-swigging degenerates filled him with loathing. A few weeks ago he’d been happy to play host, had even boasted to Tristan of his ability to organise the best parties.
Now, it didn’t matter how many times he bathed. Their dirt clung to his skin, seeped into his pores.