The anger he’d felt when his father had told him Spencer was a bastard, his childhood a lie. The rage he’d felt when six sailors had knocked him down and he’d just kept punching and punching, even after they’d begged him to stop. The sudden, surprising fury that had choked him when Spencer had walked into his restaurant, as easy as you please, after fourteen years of silence. So much anger. He was so damn tired of feeling it. He’d tried, over the years, to let it go. He’d pushed the feelings far down deep inside and for a while it had seemed he’d managed to forget them completely. Coming back here had shown him he hadn’t.
And it had also shown him he didn’t have the strength or space in his life for a relationship, not even a fling. He didn’t trust himself not to hurt her. Not to lose control again, and worse.
From now on it was pretend only for the public, nothing more. Even if everything in him still ached for Olivia.
* * *
‘So what exactly is going on with you and Ben Chatsfield?’
‘Huh?’ Olivia looked up from the magazine she’d been flicking through and tossed it aside with a sigh. ‘Why are you even asking that question, Melissa?’ she asked her agent. ‘You know what’s going on. Nothing.’ She smiled, her eyebrows raised. ‘But I’m glad the publicity is working.’
‘I’m not sure it is,’ Melissa answered with a frown.
‘What do you mean?’ Olivia rose from her seat and paced the room restlessly; they were cooling their heels in Melissa’s suite while waiting for a photo call for Blue Skies Forever. ‘Actually, I’m not sure I want to know. I can’t handle any more stress right now.’ Melissa just watched her, frowning, and Olivia collapsed onto a sofa with a defeated sigh. ‘Okay, fine, tell me. What’s not working?’
‘It’s just a bit up and down, isn’t it?’ Melissa said carefully. ‘First there was the photo of Ben practically pushing you away from him after that kiss—and what a kiss! And then the next night you’re wrapped around each other on the dance floor, and you leave a high-profile party very early.’
Olivia could feel her face starting to heat but still managed to stare her agent down. ‘So?’
‘And then the next night word gets out that Ben has closed The Chatsfield’s restaurant, which put several noses out of joint and made all the tabloids speculate.’
Olivia swallowed. ‘I still don’t see what the problem is. We’re supposedly in a relationship. Of course the media is going to take note. Ben Chatsfield is a celebrity chef after all.’
‘And you’re an up-and-coming actress,’ Melissa added with a smile. ‘But it’s still a bit much, Olivia. It isn’t the kind of publicity the producers of this film want.’
Olivia shifted in her seat, fury and despair warring within her. After everything, she still might not get this role, thanks to her big mouth and Ben Chatsfield? ‘What kind of publicity do they want then?’ she asked, aware she sounded sulky.
‘They want to see you acting like a mature, confident woman in a committed relationship. Not blowing hot and cold and seeming...unstable.’
‘Unstable,’ Olivia repeated in disbelief. ‘Look, I wasn’t the one who pushed anyone away.’
‘You know what I mean. Could you talk to Ben? Maybe appear at a party or premiere, something low-key, holding hands, looking calm and together?’
Calm and together. Right. Because that’s exactly what they were.
Not.
‘Sure,’ she said wearily. ‘I’ll talk to him.’ Even though he’d been avoiding her for the past forty-eight hours, since he’d stormed out of her suite after their shower. She still didn’t understand what that was about, and the fact that Ben was choosing to ignore her hurt more—a lot more—than she knew it should. The thought of asking him for a favour now made everything in her curl up and cringe.
But if she wanted to secure this film role, it appeared she had no choice.
With the photo call finished and Olivia’s feet aching from the supposedly sensible taupe heels she’d worn, she went in search of Ben. His PA informed her that he was out of the office, and refused to give any more information than that.
‘Do you know when he’ll be back?’ Olivia asked the woman, realising that as Ben’s girlfriend she should have his cell number, not to mention know where he was.
‘I have no idea,’ the woman answered frostily, and Olivia eyed her with speculation. Looked like there might be a little crush on the boss going on. She’d have to watch her back.
‘Thank you,’ she murmured, and not knowing what else to do, she headed outside. She couldn’t stand moping about her hotel suite any longer.