Spencer was silent, and Ben could feel his brother’s shock even through the phone. Felt his own, because he’d had no idea he’d been going to say that until the words had come out. But once they had he was glad.
‘When,’ Spencer asked after a long pause, ‘have I not backed you up?’
‘Why didn’t you come find me five years ago, when you’d learned you weren’t Michael’s son?’
‘I...’ Spencer was silent for a long moment. ‘I suppose I thought you didn’t want to be found.’
Ben’s throat ached with emotion and he closed his eyes. ‘I left when I was eighteen to protect you, Spencer. I knew I couldn’t keep the secret from you, and I didn’t want you to learn it. Maybe it was the wrong thing to do, a stupid thing to do, but I did it because—because I loved you.’
‘Past tense,’ Spencer observed with an odd little laugh.
‘No,’ Ben answered. ‘Not past tense. But I’ve been angry with you. And angry at myself, for being angry at you, because I loved you so damn much.’ He’d never imagined he’d be saying this kind of stuff to his brother, and yet he knew he needed to. He wanted to. Still, it was hard being this vulnerable, to admit the truth. ‘I thought you’d come find me.’
‘I thought about it,’ Spencer said after a moment. ‘A lot. But I didn’t know why you’d left, Ben, and I suppose I thought you’d come back.’
They were both silent, absorbing these revelations.
‘I’m sorry,’ Ben said, ‘for leaving.’
‘And I’m sorry for being the reason you left,’ Spencer answered quietly. ‘And for not handling our reunion better. I suppose I wanted to act like we could pick up where we’d left off, but I know we can’t. We’re two different people now, Ben. And we may be brothers—half-brothers—but we don’t know each other any more.’ Spencer paused before adding, ‘Maybe I shouldn’t have asked you to help me out with The Chatsfield. I can see how it would bring a lot of memories back.’
‘It did. But that was actually a good thing.’ And coming to The Chatsfield had brought him to Olivia, which he never would regret.
And now, he thought as he finished the call and slid the phone into his pocket, he needed to find Olivia.
* * *
Ben was gone. Olivia walked out of his office, her mind numb with shock. He’d left without telling her? Was it because of the story breaking? Had everything that had felt so real and honest been nothing more than the charade they’d agreed on?
Maybe she really was as delusional as the papers were making her out to be. She’d come here to tell him she loved him, and he was already gone.
She slowed to a stop in the middle of the lobby, people moving all around her. A lot of people were leaving now that the festival was almost over, and numbly Olivia watched as bellhops sprang to attention and movie stars exchanged effusive goodbyes. She felt separate from it all, isolated from the world she’d tried so hard to belong to.
Totally alone.
‘Olivia.’
She stilled, then looked up slowly to see Ben standing by The Chatsfield’s front doors. He looked rumpled and sexy and she was so glad to see him that tears started in her eyes.
‘Ben...I thought you’d gone. Your PA told me you’d left Berlin.’
‘Berlin?’ He shook his head. ‘No, I just went for a walk.’
Olivia supposed she should have known better than to believe anything his PA had told her. ‘I’ve been looking for you,’ she said. ‘I want to tell you...’
‘I’ve been looking for you too.’ Ben walked towards her, taking long purposeful strides until he stopped in front of her. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said, and she could see the regret etched in every line of his face. ‘I’m so, so sorry.’
Olivia felt as if her heart, along with her hopes, was free-falling towards her toes. She shook her head slowly, wanting to deny his apology. She’d just been about to tell him she loved him, right here in the lobby of The Chatsfield. ‘What,’ she asked in a scratchy whisper, ‘are you sorry for?’