He stared at her for a moment. “Your honesty is one of the qualities I always admired, which is why I believed you when you told me you wanted to marry Nikolai. Despite all that has happened you have not changed. You are still the same wild and wilful woman I remember, still the same bewitching beauty.”
Her chest grew tight as all the air left her lungs. She could feel her heart racing, the erratic thumping reaching as far as the apex of her thighs. She still wanted him. More than ever. The years of separation had only served to intensify the feeling. It suddenly occurred to her that if she had to spend hours or days in excruciating pain, then perhaps she should seek a little pleasure.
“I miss our amorous banter.” She moistened her lips at the thought of feeling his mouth moving slowly over hers. “Perhaps you should walk with me. Keep me company.” One of them had to be the first to surrender. “You’ll need your greatcoat, of course. If the cold penetrates, it could be the death of you.”
He smiled. “I assumed you wanted to be alone.”
“I have spent the last three years alone, Lachlan.” When I should have spent them with you, she added silently. “And having you with me will help to distract my mind from all morbid thoughts.”
She sensed his slight hesitance, a thread of doubt, of fear.
He folded his arms across his chest, glanced at his caped coat hanging from the stand near the door. “I suppose someone needs to make sure you stay out of mischief.”
“Come with me because you want to, not because you feel it is your duty.” She moved to walk past him. If he chose not to follow, then she would insist he returned to Carrick Hall.
His warm fingers curled around her wrist. “The night is cold, remember. Give me a moment to ensure I'm suitably prepared.”
They walked in companionable silence through the meadow at the rear of the castle and down to the water’s edge. The sky was clear now, like a sheet of black glass tinged with a faint indigo hue. The crescent moon cast a silver streak over the river’s subdued ripples. All was peaceful, serene, and quiet.
“I could never leave here,” she said with a soft sigh as she bent down and trailed her fingers in the ice-cold water lapping at her feet. “Some people love to travel to distant shores and far off lands. I often wonder what it is they’re searching for. Indeed, it is often easy to forget the beauty that exists around us when we see it daily.”
“Sometimes we must go away to appreciate what we have at home.” His rich, husky tone caused a delightful shiver to race through her.
“You sound as though you are speaking from experience.”
He cleared his throat. “I would say three years spent in the city has proved to be rather enlightening.”
She stood and shook the excess droplets from her fingers before turning to face him. “Do you really believe you will be happy living in Edinburgh? Will you not miss the rugged landscape, the rolling hills that steal your breath away whenever you gaze upon them?” She brought her chilled fingers to her lips and blew on them.
“You should have worn gloves.” He stepped forward, his broad frame swamping her. Without asking for permission he took her hand, covered it with his own and rubbed her fingers. “Everything here is breathtaking. There was not a day that passed that I did not lie awake at night aching to be home.”
Isla swallowed deeply as the heat radiating in his palms travelled up her arms. “Yet still you plan on leaving.” There was a sudden pained tone to her voice that she could not suppress. “You plan on m-marrying a real lady. You’ll find a house in Edinburgh, set up home with your wife and forget all about those you left behind.”
He would be someone else’s husband, not hers — never hers.
He gripped her hand, gazed up at the light sprinkling of stars in the sky and exhaled loudly. “What else can I do?” It was a heartfelt plea. The level of anguish in his tone was unmistakable.
She felt it like a spear to the chest. There were no words she could offer to comfort him, not when her own future lay in the healing ability of a magical elixir. Should anything go wrong, this could well be her last night with him. It would be selfish of her to make promises she could not keep.
The familiar feelings of guilt and regret surfaced, quickly replaced by a hatred for Nikolai and his evil meddling. Frustration flared too. She was tired of avoiding the truth, of keeping it hidden away inside.
Finding a gap through the edges of his greatcoat, she put her hand on his chest. “I too lie awake each night. I wonder what might have been had I never met Nikolai. I know that I will never be whole again because I have lost the only thing I have ever wanted.” She could feel the frantic beat of his heart against her palm. “I have lost you.”
He lowered his head slowly, opened his eyes to gaze deeply into hers. The heat of his stare warmed her to her core. “When you said you wanted to spend the evening as though it was your last, what did you have in mind?”
She shrugged. “I … I imagined walking through the woods, lying on the grass and gazing up at the stars.”
I imagined you would take me in your arms and hold me like you used to do.
“Is that all?” He lowered the hood of her cape, smoothed the strands of hair away from her face. “Was there nothing else you imagined doing?”
She moistened her lips, the action betraying her salacious thoughts. “There was something else. It is the reason I invited you to accompany me.” It didn’t matter that she had the ability to read thoughts. As he bent his head, she knew her wildest dreams were about to come true.
“I’m going to kiss you, Isla.” His warm breath breezed across her lips. “If that is not what you want you must say so now.”
“It is the only thing I want, Lachlan.”
Their lips touched.