Slave to the Night (The Brotherhood 2)

to come to terms with his feelings?

"Look." Elliot stopped and turned to face his friend. "I think I'll go home. There's no point me being here as my sour mood will only ruin your evening."

Leo's eyes widened. "Don't go. You promised you'd come. You promised you'd make every effort to enjoy yourself." His friend sounded like a possessive wife. "You haven't even been here for five minutes."

Elliot pulled out his pocket watch, checked the time and replaced it. "It's been twenty minutes. Trust me. That's long enough."

"What the hell's wrong with you?" Leo threw his hands up and shook his head. "So, you have feelings for Mrs. … for Grace. The way I see it, you have two choices. Run after the woman and beg for forgiveness, plead for her hand or whatever it is you want. Or find someone here tonight happy to partake in a little amorous sport. There's nothing like a pair of cushioned thighs to make one forget their woes. You taught me that."

"Then you've been taught by a man who has the logic of a donkey," he sneered.

Leo chuckled. "Perhaps the word ass is far more appropriate."

"Whether I'm a donkey or an ass, both options are out of the question."

The first option posed a problem beyond his control. Grace insisted on staying with her sister in blasted Cobham. He suddenly decided he detested the place, even though he'd only passed through there once. Grace was loyal and kind. She would not forsake someone in their hour of need.

Besides, what would he do there?

After spending a few minutes in Caroline Rosemond's company, he'd probably end up throttling the woman. Even if his patience prevailed, he'd not be able to hold his tongue. He would chastise Grace for pandering to her precious sister's fanciful notions. They would argue. He'd leave. That would be the end of it.

Bitterness and resentment were stoking the fire of his overactive imagination.

The second option was incomprehensible.

The thought of laying his hands on any other woman made him want to scrub his skin raw until it bled. The thought of tangling tongues with anyone other than Grace made him feel nauseous.

Did this mean he was destined to spend all eternity taking himself in hand?

"I think Melinda Jefferies has taken a shine to you." Leo's light-hearted banter broke his reverie. "She's giving you the look that says — lift up my skirt and take me now. Mr. Jefferies has gone abroad, and I hear she is frightfully lonely."

"Are you not tired of it all?" Elliot waved his hand about the room to show his disdain. "When all is said and done, we are alone, Leo. Do you think Melinda Jefferies will give a damn about me once I've satisfied her craving? Do you think any of them would give me a second thought if I were destitute, had a limp or a bulbous nose?"

Leo pursed his lips, but a chuckle escaped. "Forgive me. I did not mean to laugh. It's just my mind conjured an image of you having a nose so large it smothered your entire face."

"Can you not be serious for a moment?"

Leo inclined his head. "We've always known they don't give a damn. We've never given a damn, either. You have always shied away from commitment. No complications. No false promises. Isn't that what you said?"

"Then I have been a fool. One stupid enough to wear bells and entertain the king's court. I never expected to find someone who would accept our affliction. I have spent my life behaving selfishly—"

"That's simply not true." Leo contested. "You have always been there for me. Like a true brother. And without your assistance, Alexander would not be married to Evelyn. I'm certain of it."

"But don't you see," Elliot said gripping his friend's shoulder. "It is those benevolent acts that make me worthy of love. Every licentious act eradicates every decent thing I've ever done."

"If that's the case, I am doomed to live as a scoundrel."

Elliot gave a weak smile. "I have changed, Leo. And I cannot go back."

Leo sighed. "Then you have no choice but to go forward."

"You make it sound so easy. I feel as though I am teetering on a precipice. Whichever way I look, I see nothing but darkness. Nothing but doubt and uncertainty."

"One thing is certain," Leo said in a melancholic tone. "Things will never be the same. Not as they used to be. You have been my constant companion these last few years. But what will I do here without you?"

Elliot smiled. He could not sacrifice his own happiness just to keep his friend company. "Find love, Leo. Find someone who makes your heart feel light and free. Someone who loves you despite the beast that dwells inside. Only then can we claim victory over the Bavarian devil."

"That golden-haired snake has done this," he suddenly blurted with a level of vehemence that surprised him. "You're afraid. You're afraid of being alone because of your affliction. I swear, if she were here I would not stop until I'd made her pay for what she's done to us."