Radiance

I had such a horrid feeling in the hollows of my stomach.

He’s lying.

Like MM always said, it’s bad maths. The sun might come up blue as Neptune in the morning, ice might turn to fire when it melts, I might become the long-jump champion of the world, but Thaddeus Irigaray did not kiss Penelope Edison. It didn’t happen. I go for a bit of each, but Thad was true blue. I wanted to say so, but I couldn’t. Not in that room. Not with all those people who Thaddeus didn’t trust enough to tell when he was alive. Not with that Algernon B-for-Bastard already writing next week’s column in his head. Even a corpse can be ruined. And a corpse’s reputation doesn’t mend. So I kept mum. God help me. I wouldn’t let Thaddeus go down in the books as just another dead pervert. Because that’s how we all end up, of course. No. I wouldn’t let his heart be somebody’s morality tale.

Or maybe I was just afraid. Of Freddy, of Percy, of all of them. I couldn’t help it. I thought, Percy, baby, you wanna run it back and do it again so you can get a better angle on the bullet? Make certain the shadows are right on Thaddeus Irigaray’s eyes when the light goes out inside them? Or was there a better line you could’ve hurled in his face? Or at Penny, or Fred? And why would you lie for them? Why would you bother? You don’t even know Penny, not really. You’ve been chummy with Fred since you were kids, sure…but the fraternal bubble never extends to wives. So what did Thad do to you, Percy? How did he really earn his bullet? Why is this happening?

“Whose gun was it?” I asked.

“What?”

“Whose gun? Who brought a gun to a wrap party?”

“It’s mine,” Percy admitted. Oh, Percy. No. “I was showing it to Fred. Showing off, I suppose. I don’t fancy ending up in a Plantagenet vault, Mary. I protect myself. Maud’s got a pistol strapped to her thigh. Ask her. It’s not so strange.”

Then Percival Unck told us how it was going to be. His best directorial effort and only thirteen people ever saw it. Thaddeus had a heart attack. The ship doctor could be paid off; he barely graduated from medical school, anyway. We’d clean it all up, all of us together, and Thaddeus would be cremated before anyone knew the difference. The rest of us would keep the secret for our own reasons. Because we were accessories, because we wanted system-wide distribution for our tawdry little magazine, because we didn’t want a divorce to leave us penniless, because we wanted a part, because we didn’t care, because we loved Thaddeus Irigaray and didn’t want him to be remembered as a homewrecker or worse, because we could live forever on the favours Unck and Edison could do us.

What about me? Will I keep quiet? I said I would. I promised. With blood on my cheek, I promised. I took my silver—any part I want, and the director’s chair, too. Though, honestly, I think it might be time to retire.

I don’t want to write about scrubbing blood off ebony with a wire brush. Or burning my buffalo fur in the engine room. But I do want to write this: While we were cleaning Thad up, I pried open his fist and swiped a wadded-up piece of paper out of the muck and the crusting blood. I didn’t look at it ’til I got it safely back to my room.

It’s a photograph. Of a baby girl.

I can’t be certain—babies all look a bit like one another. But I think she looks an awful lot like Severin.

Kansas

Transcript from 1946 debriefing interview with Erasmo St. John, property of Oxblood Films, all rights reserved.

Security clearance required.

CYTHERA BRASS: Session three, day two. Arlo Covington, C.P.A., Oxblood representative, instructed your crew to abandon the Adonis set. Why didn’t you follow his lead?

ERASMO: We did. We just…got distracted. Look, I know you think we’re a great fat lot of useless drama society layabouts, but we are, each and every one of us, professionals. We stabilized the situation very quickly. Dr Nantakarn had a mobile ICU already set up in advance of the dives we had planned. Retta isolated Anchises and put gloves on him so he couldn’t infect anyone else. She took Mari in hand, sliced that thing right out of her palm, and bandaged it up before Konrad and Franco could get breakfast cleared away. Gave her morphine for the pain. Mari was pretty doped up. She slept it off in the medical tent while we discussed what to do about Horace.

Venusian freshwater wells are deep. To get past the saltwater you have to really burrow down. We had a boom mic and a small crane. Nothing nearly long enough. Max said…he said Horace was already buried. We could cap the well, carve his name on it. It would be a beautiful grave. He was trying to be kind. Maximo’s kindness can be morbid. But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t just let Horace rot down there, getting chewed on by who knows what blind, awful worms live in Venus’s underbelly. I have too good an imagination. I could see it, some horrid night-eel laying eggs in his ey

e sockets…I couldn’t leave him down there in the dark. He deserved a better final scene than that. Besides…he could have been alive. What if he’d only broken a leg? Both legs? What if he was slowly bleeding to death down there?

Well, the only other option was the diving cables. We had two suits left: one for the diver and one for the cameraman, and heaps of breathing tubes. We could lower someone down, just as we would from the gondola into the Qadesh. I thought it should be me. Look at me—I’m the obvious choice. I’m a big man, I’m strong, I could carry Horace back up, easy. Like a fireman. I could carry them all back.

But Iggy killed that idea. “These village wells, they narrow as they go down. You could get stuck, and, you know, we have to lower you and haul you and the body—and Horace—back up. We have no climbing equipment. No cleats or crampons. The tube could snap. We could drop you. You’re the heaviest one of us, Raz. The lightest should go.”

And all eyes turned to Arlo.

CYTHERA: Did the background noise let up at all while this discussion took place?

ERASMO: No. Maybe? I’m not sure. It wasn’t constant. It surged and ebbed and surged again. But it never found a rhythm. If it had rhythm, we could have ignored it eventually, the way you learn to ignore the sounds of traffic late at night in Tithonus. But it never lulled, it just crackled and shrieked and garbled out those dreadful bursts of growling.

CYTHERA: And Covington agreed to go down after the cameraman?

ERASMO: After Horace. Surprisingly, yes. Everybody did the same mental maths: we couldn’t risk the doctor, there was no way I’d let Rin go, Mari was out cold, Crissy’s almost six foot of lean cheetah-girl muscle. We all had at least a stone on Arlo. If it had to be the lightest of us, he was it. You knew him—skinny as a jockey, and not so tall as all that. He was wiry, though. He must have done some sport or other—accountants don’t usually have that sort of whippy physique.

CYTHERA: Rowing, actually. He was on the Oxblood crew. Up every morning at four pulling oars across the Rainy Sea.

ERASMO: Huh. I can see that.

CYTHERA: You said he agreed to this plan? You didn’t coerce him?