Shallow River

“You were born and raised here. You were one of us, once upon a time. And now you act like you’re too good for us.” Despite my best efforts, my lip trembles. God, does it tremble.

His fingers tighten around my jaw, and all I can do is whisper pleadingly, “Billy…”

“Ghost,” he whispers.

My face slams into the table before I can brace myself.

Pain explodes in the side of my head. The only silver-lining is my face was turned enough that it didn’t break my nose.

So much for not touching the fucking table.

Keeping my head pinned to the table, he leans in closer. The unforgiving surface has my eyes widening with unconcealed pain. Tears prick my eyes and threaten to leak. I don’t want to show weakness. I don’t want to, but Billy has a special way of drawing it out of you anyway.

Barbie backs up a few steps, unease etched in her wrinkles.

“Where have you been?” he whispers, his tone deceptively calm. There’s a torch lit inside his bloodstream. Billy’s pissed.

Anger bursts inside of me. I’ve gotten out of this goddamn hellhole. Why the fuck do I come back? Why did I buy this stupid ass house, and why do I continue to hold it over my mother? For revenge? I was lying to Mako and myself when I said that.

Shallow Hill is ingrained in my bones, and bones won’t survive without the marrow.

“Hell is not a home, Billy,” I grit out. “It’s only a place I come to visit.”

“It is home,” he barks, his voice echoing as the reins on his temper start to slip. “You’re stained, River. This place is a stain on our soul, and it won’t ever come out.”

I’m breathing heavily now. Partly from fear, partly from anger. It’s not smart to talk back to Billy.

“Did you try?” I challenge, squeezing my eyes shut in pain when he presses my head down further. So badly, I want to cry out. I’m toppling on the precipice of letting go of my pride and dignity.

I don’t want to show weakness. I don’t want to.

“Yes,” he murmu

rs thoughtfully. “And then I realized I was only lying to myself. The joke of a life I attempted to live was a façade. Just like yours.”

Finally, god, finally, he releases me. I scramble away from the table as fast as I can, tipping my chair over in the process, dignity be damned. The chair clatters to the tile obnoxiously, the loud sound mimicking the sound of mine and Barbie’s fear.

Barbie’s tripping. Literally. She’s high off Lord knows what, and the fear is messing with her high. Wide, dilated pupils jump between Billy and me. Her breathing is heavy, and her hands tremble. Pretty soon she’ll start clawing at her own skin, desperate to get out of her own body. The fear is a potent and inescapable.

I don’t assume it’s for my benefit. She’s only scared he’ll turn his anger on her when he’s done with me.

And he will.

He absolutely will.

Eight

river

I CAN’T GO HOME like this. To emphasize my point, Ryan’s name flashes across my cracked phone screen. The tiny fissures run through his name with a heart emoji on the end.

It’s symbolic, and I want to throw the fucking phone.

I press the volume button on the side of my phone. Instantly, the shrill sound silences. He’ll call again. I silence the phone completely so I don’t have to listen to the doom of my relationship anymore.

I’m soiled again. Tainted. Dirty. Stained.

Billy let me know just how much he missed me right in front of Barbie. She watched on with fear and resignation in her eyes. Again, not for my sake, but her own. Thank fuck he used a condom. Billy doesn’t want mini’s running around, that’s for sure.