Shallow River

I waited on thin ice, expecting police to storm the house and arrest me for Ryan’s murder. Surely, Mako wouldn’t keep up the pretense after I lied to him for so long. Surely, he wouldn’t consider me worth risking his entire life over.

And yet, he kept true to his word. He covered up Ryan’s murder, blaming it on a man that committed countless, heinous crimes except for the one he’s going to be arrested for.

That’s the scariest part. He hasn’t been arrested yet. Because they can’t find him. Billy has connections everywhere. I’m sure he knew of his arrest before it was even decided that they had probable cause.

No one knows where he is. So now, it’s not a search to find who the Ghost Killer is, but where he is.

“You look like death.” The soft, voice rings out from behind me. I’m curled into a ball on the couch, facing away from the world. Amelia can’t even see my face and she’s already calling me out.

I try to sniffle, but both nostrils are completely congested. “You can’t even see me yet,” I retort weakly.

Weight compresses the leather couch behind my legs. A soft huff escapes her mouth. She’s only five months along now, but she’s getting huge. When you get knocked up by a mammoth, it only makes sense that you’re going to get pregnant with one.

I turn towards my best friend, confirming her presumptuous statement and settling my eyes on her basketball of a stomach.

“How’s the baby?” I ask, my voice hoarse and weak. The corners of her eyes tighten, but she humors me anyways.

“I’m convinced I was abducted by aliens and injected with a baby. There’s no way this thing is human. I’m five months and look like I’m ready to pop. This lady in the grocery store asked me when I’m due, and of course when I told her, she didn’t believe me! She said I must have pregnancy brain because I’m clearly about to enter into labor any day now.” She huffs with annoyance when she recalls the memory. “Damn witch. I may have someone slowly consuming my body from the inside out, but I’m not stupid.”

I laugh at her antics. “Did you decide on a name yet?”

Amelia called me yesterday to dryly inform me she’s having a boy. She was never one to care about throwing gender reveal parties or making a big deal out of stuff like that. The technician asked if she wanted to know the gender, Amelia said yes, and there was her answer. Though she did admit that she cried when they said she was having a boy.

“I think we’re going to go with Beckham.”

“That is incredibly cute. You have my approval.”

She smiles, though it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. She’s too worried about me and it’s tainting her excitement.

“Please stop worrying about me,” I whine pitifully.

“River. Your boyfriend was murdered only two weeks ago. You told me that perfectly edible man fucked the soul out of your body and then an hour later, kicked you out of his car because he discovered that your abuser is also a notorious serial killer and you knew about it and didn’t tell him. And, that your mother told you that that notorious serial killer is also your father.” She pauses for dramatic effect, earning an eye roll. “Why the hell wouldn’t I be worried?”

“I don’t know if he’s actually my father,” I mutter, ignoring the other several valid points she made.

“Whether he is or not, he’s an evil man that’s been terrorizing you your entire life. I get why Mako’s pissed, I really do. But does he not understand the extent in which you are absolutely terrified of Billy? Does he not realize the trauma that man has inflicted on you, and in turn, gains your unwilling loyalty purely because you’re fearful for your life?”

This is why I called Amelia and told her everything. Well, not everything. I obviously didn’t tell her that I tortured and killed my boyfriend. I trust Amelia with my entire soul and being, but that doesn’t mean she deserves to be burdened with a secret like that.

But I’m glad I confessed everything else to her. Not only is she a solid shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen, but she gets it. She understands what it’s like to be abused. She understands the trauma and fear. We both know I should’ve told Mako the truth. And because I kept my mouth shut, several people were murdered because of my silence. It was never said, but I know that thought passed through Mako’s head, too.

“I don’t know, Amelia. I think he’s too angry to rationalize it that way. It’s hard for someone to do that when they don’t know what it’s like to have someone like that haunting your life.”

She sighs and nods her head, agreeing.

“Do you think Billy is going to know that it was you and Barbie that told Mako who he really was?”

I bite my lip, debating how much I should divulge. If I should tell her the truth on how terrified I am that Billy will come for me. I glance up at her, and whatever’s in my eyes must answer her question. Her lip trembles.

“Cameras working again?” she asks in place of my response. I nod once.

“Come home with me.”

“And possibly put you and your unborn child’s life in danger? I should punch you for even suggesting something like that,” I say, a bite in my tone. She flinches but nods her head in acceptance. The sad truth is, Amelia understands that there’s not much I can do to get away from Billy. And knowing that, as my best friend, is killing her inside. Just like it would do to me if our roles were reversed.

“So aside from this Ghost Killer clusterfuck. How are you handling everything?” she asks, forcing the conversation away from something incredibly terrifying as she absently rubs her hand on her belly. She said he’s already started kicking. I stare at her belly intently, silently bribing baby Beckham into kicking his mother so I can feel it.

“Everything as in my abusive boyfriend being murdered or the fact that I think I fell in love with his brother and he hates me now?” Amelia gives me a droll look. I sigh. “I’m not sad about Ryan. Maybe I should be because we were together for over two years, but any love for him went out the window already. He hit me, raped me and cheated on me. I feel nothing.”