He grinned and leaned against the piano, flashing a Hollywood smile. “No problem, ladies. How about a little 8 Mile?”
Chloe looked at Laurie, momentarily confused. She’d never heard of a musical called 8 Mile. Laurie seemed similarly confused by the way her eyebrows pinched in the middle. They didn’t have to wait long - Calvin leapt into a hacking and spitting version of Eminem’s 8 Mile rap, causing Chloe to shudder with instant dislike.
“Wait, wait, wait!” She waved her hand, trying to bring her potential Joseph back down to Earth. He’d lost himself in the lyrics and was using the back of the piano as a drum. Finally, she caught his attention mid chorus and his voice trailed off. “I need a song. An actual song. Can’t you sing a couple lines of Les Mis? Or, Phantom? Or maybe West Side Story?”
Calvin shrugged helplessly, his mouth falling open.
“How about a Christmas carol?” Laurie jumped in. Chloe nodded in agreement. “Sing a Christmas song. Any song.”
He wrung his hands, no longer the cool and confident boy Chloe could remember from back in high school. “I know Away in a Manger. Is that cool?”
“Yes.” She practically jumped out of the pew. “Perfect. Let’s hear it.”
Taking a deep breath, he looked up at the rafters of the church and opened his mouth. From behind his teeth came the most awful, raspy sound that grated on Chloe’s ears. Unfortunately, Calvin didn’t seem to notice. He got nearly through the entire first verse before the girls waved him off.
“That’s enough,” Chloe said through gritted teeth. She forced a cheerful smile. “We’ll let you know.”
“Thanks, babes.” Calvin ran his hands through his hair and winked at them. “Later.”
It wasn’t until he left through the double doors that Chloe grabbed Laurie’s arm in a claw-like grip and squeezed. “He sounded like a dying bird. I thought I was going to have to drill a hole through my brain to survive.”
Laurie smiled sympathetically and loosed the grip on her arm. “He wasn’t that bad.”
“It was worse than hearing a walrus bellow.”
“He had his merits.”
“Worse than listening to my Uncle Bernie snore.”
“The important part is he tried.”
“Worse than hearing my sister and her fiance make out next to me at the movies.”
Laurie pulled back with an amused smile. “They really do that?”
“Once.” Chloe swatted at her black braids falling into her face. “It was a really boring movie. I can’t really blame them.” She shuffled her papers and put on her meanest game face. “Vicky, send the next one in!”
They proceeded through another half dozen auditions, each worse than the last. Laurie was kind and encouraging through them, but Chloe had begun to lose her patience. By the final off-tune rendition of Santa Claus is Coming to Town, she was practically snarling.
“You were off pitch the entire song,” she snapped at Darren Evan, the slightly chubby rent-a-cop guard who worked at the school. “And those dance moves looked like you were in electric shock therapy.”
“But it was a solid effort,” Laurie added, side-eyeing her friend. “I could really tell you were into it.”
“You were into something, but it wasn’t good,” Chloe replied with a dramatic sigh.
Darren Evan didn’t seem phased by the criticism. He tipped an imaginary hat and sailed out the door with a booming laugh.
“That wasn’t very nice.” Laurie looked at her with her big wide green eyes. “I’m sure you hurt a couple of those guys’ feeling.”
Chloe crossed her arms and sat back in the pew. “Well, they hurt my ears. We’re never going to find my Joseph. I can’t put on a musical about the most romantic and perfect couple in all time without my perfect Joseph.”
She thought about her family and how she’d been bragging about this play for weeks - ever since the Pastor had told her that he’d picked her play. Her entire family was coming to see it. She had to find the perfect guy.
“How’s auditions coming, ladies?”
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As if sensing her desperation like a shark in bloody water, Ashley Lynn came strolling into the sanctuary. Her furry pink sweater clung to her torso and tucked into a black leather skirt over black tights. She smiled as she swayed from side to side, revealing gigantic bleached white front teeth that hurt to look at.