I sighed and sat down. Even though the chairs in the office were cushioned, they still felt uncomfortable this morning. More than likely though, it was merely because there wasn’t a single thing that could comfort me at the moment. I was too worried that I had ruined my chances of happiness.
The thought made me feel sick. I sat down, agitatedly bouncing my knee.
Last night, after Autumn had slapped me and stormed off to her room, it had taken every ounce of strength I possessed to not go after her and apologize. I had hoped she saw through my charade of indifference to understand that the decision to limit our relationship to professional terms had just about killed me. But she’d been too blinded by emotion and disappointment to notice.
And I knew there was nothing I could do about it until I got my career affairs in order. I couldn’t keep leading her on until I was sure we could have a real future together. In that moment, I just hadn’t been sure and felt that the uncertainty would only do us more harm in the long run. The last thing I wanted to do was cause anyone harm.
Speaker Harper had literally placed his and Autumn’s lives in my hands. Their safety deserved my undivided attention, not me entertaining my own selfish wants and desires.
It made me cringe to wonder what Speaker Harper must have undoubtedly been thinking about me at the moment.
After a restless night on the couch, I’d known that I hadn’t wanted to be around for the aftermath when Autumn woke up. I hadn’t had the heart to face her again, so I’d made sure to contact Wallace at the crack of dawn, asking that he come back before she woke up. I had been on my way back to Speaker Harper’s place when my phone rang.
“Hello?” I had said, seeing the Speaker’s number pop up on caller ID.
“Hi Brady,” his voice had come over the other line. Immediately, I knew there was something off about his tone.
“Speaker Harper, is everything all right, sir? I’m in the car now, on my way over to your place. Did you need me to do anything for you before I get there?”
“No, Brady. Actually, I was hoping to catch you before you got here. I’ve just spoken with Autumn. I’m not sure what’s going on, but she requested to speak with the head of the security team.”
“Oh…” I’d said, my mouth having grown dry right on the spot.
“Do you know what this is about?”
I swallowed, not having the faintest idea what to say. So I lied. “I’m not sure.”
“Well, she sounded pretty upset. Now I’ve actually been contacted by the head of security myself. Someone else has been sent on my detail for the day, and I’ve been told that if I spoke to you before your captain did, to let you know that you are to report to his office.”
I swore in my head. “I see. Thanks for the heads up, sir.”
“Keep me updated, Brady. I hope everything is all right.”
But of course, everything was far from all right. And my time to figure out what needed to be done to make it all right was quickly vanishing.
It had been a hassle to so abruptly change direction in order to head over to the security headquarters, but it’s not like I ha
dn’t know this was coming on some level. After all, that’s why I had left Autumn’s safehouse so early in the first place. I knew she would be ready to unleash pure hell on me for what I’d done to her. I had completely shattered not only her peace of mind, but her heart as well.
As I continued to sit outside of the office waiting for Jordan to see me, I began to hear him shuffling about behind the closed door. After a while, I heard him on a phone call. My heart started racing, intuitively knowing I was the topic of the conversation.
I had a feeling a dishonorable discharge was on the horizon for me; the Savage Soldiers didn’t play around when it came to preserving their reputation.
Basically, I was about to get what I deserved.
Fuck.
The office door swung open. “All right, Brady. Come on in,” Jordan said.
I took a deep breath, rose from my seat, and entered the office. It too, felt cold and unwelcoming, just like the waiting area.
Jordan’s face lacked its usual friendliness. Although his act of optimism had annoyed me the last time I’d been in his presence, I now wished he would at least keep up the charade; it would have made the situation feel a little more tolerable.
But then again, I didn’t deserve such comforts.
“Take a seat,” Jordan instructed.
We sat down opposite of one another at the table and proceeded to stare at each other for what felt like an eternity.