Hopeless Hero

When the memories passed, I was still sitting on that curb with my head in my hands. Part of me wanted to stay there forever, but a bigger part forced me to my feet. Whether Zane was still there or not, I had to go back. My family would be worried. Plus, I knew Allie had probably already verbally accosted Zane, so I couldn’t hide forever.

Slowly, I walked through the streets until I reached Kellan’s. I went around the back so I could enter the way I left, but it didn’t matter. When I walked inside, the place was almost entirely empty. Only my mother and a few distant relatives remained.

“Where’d you go?” my mom asked as I walked up to her.

“Just had to clear my head.”

“Uh huh.” She nodded and gave me a scrutinizing look; she’d seen me leave after Zane arrived, but refrained from admitting it.

“Allie take the kids home?” I asked.

“Yes.”

“Do you need any help cleaning up?”

“No, I think we’ve got it handled.”

“Okay,” I said. “I’ll just meet you at home then.”

I turned to leave, when I felt her fingers brush against my arm. When I looked back at her, she watched me the same way she had that morning all those years ago—the morning Allie and I told her. It was the look of concern and motherly intuition I recognized all too well.

I waited for her to speak, but she didn’t. She simply looked at me with so much understanding that it made my eyes tear up. I stepped closer to her and she wrapped her arms around me, holding me against her chest. I breathed in the familiar scent of her perfume and let myself relax for the first time since I arrived in Savage. Of all the things I missed, I didn’t realize how much I needed this.

When she let me go, I wiped my eyes and left the bar without saying goodbye. Allie and Jordan had taken the car and I didn’t want to wait for my mother, so I decided to walk home. It wasn’t far—just a couple miles—and it would give me a chance to clear my head before I saw the rest of the family.

Especially Elizabeth.

CHAPTER 11

Zane

I drove home from the wake, my head spinning. When I pulled into my driveway, I knew I wouldn’t be able to sit still for long. Without going inside, I walked down the driveway and back into town. I didn’t know where I was going, but I just needed to move.

Seeing Alicia hadn’t gone how I planned, but that wasn’t what weighed on my mind. Alicia running out of the pub had saddened me, but I could understand her desire to get away. Allie’s words, however, made me rethink everything I thought I knew.

“I know it may have not seemed like anything to you, but what you and Alicia had meant everything to her. You broke her heart.”

As I walked through town, I replayed my entire relationship with Alicia.

I remembered our conversations, our late nights together, all the time we spent talking about our hopes and dreams for the future…

Back then, I’d thought we were on the same page; I

thought Alicia understood me better than anyone ever had or ever would.

Nothing could have been further from the truth, that much was obvious. What didn’t make sense was how I could have been so wrong. How I could have misconstrued the entire thing for the past five years. That last night in Kellan’s was so long ago, but it stood out vividly in my mind. She’d been angry at first. And sad. But so was I.

I had explained why I had to leave and thought she understood. I’d apologized, and she had walked away. I could still see her curls disappearing through the front door and out into the parking lot. I remembered wanting to chase after her, but not knowing what I would say. I’d figured she just needed time, and then we would find our way back to each other.

Surely, she had felt that way too, hadn’t she?

Had I been deluding myself all these years? Had my decision to leave destroyed all the feelings Alicia had ever had for me? Had she spent the past five years hating me for choosing the Savage Soldiers over her?

Damn.

I suddenly felt weaker than I had in months. My head pounded as Allie’s words echoed in my mind, and my arms and legs felt like jelly. My eyes and chest were heavy with anxiety as I moved faster.

I walked the perimeter around the town square three times, trying to work through my emotions before deciding to sit down for a few minutes.