Hopeless Hero

“For someone who grew up not even two hours from the city, you would think he would be more okay with his daughter living there.”

“But he’s not and you can’t change that. All you can do is accept it.”

“Right,” I scoffed. “Like he accepts me.”

“You don’t give him a chance to,” she complained. “How many times have you been home in the past five years? My god, Alicia, we haven’t seen Elizabeth since she was three!”

“That’s not true,” I said, but I knew it was. I avoided Savage like the plague.

“Alicia,” my mom said. She shook her head and leaned closer to me. “Cut us some slack, okay? We just miss you. Both of you.”

“We miss you guys, too,” I said.

“I’m done!” Elizabeth announced.

“Put your plate in the sink,” I told her.

“Can I play outside?” she asked.

I nodded. “In the backyard.”

She smiled and hurried to the sink, where she stood on her tiptoes to set her plate inside before running out the back door. I watched her go with a smile. She was growing so quickly, I hated missing even a single second with her.

“Mom,” I said, turning back to face her, “do you think I made the right choice when I decided to keep her?”

Mom’s eyes widened slightly at my words. We’d never discussed my change of heart that day in the hospital, so I never knew how she felt about it.

“Honey,” she began slowly, “I think what really matters is whether you believe it was the right choice.”

“Most of the time, I do. But there are times when I wonder if Allie would have been better for Lizzy. There are times when I question whether I was meant to be a mother at all…”

“You love your daughter.”

“More than anything.”

Mom smiled. “Then you’re doing all right. What makes a good mom isn’t living in the right place or providing a traditional family. It’s loving your child and doing everything you can to help them succeed. From what I can see, you’re doing that.”

“Thanks.”

My mom’s words filling me with warmth, I sat back in my chair and checked the time on the kitchen stove. It was almost nine, which meant I had to meet Zane in an hour. Elizabeth would be in bed by nine-thirty, I hoped; I didn’t want to tell her where I was going.

“That’s the third time you’ve checked the clock,” my mom observed.

“I’m meeting someone after I put Lizzy to bed.”

“Someone?” Her eyebrows arched upward.

“Zane.”

“Ahh…”

“What?”

“Nothing.” She shrugged. “I’m just not surprised, that’s all.”

“And why not?”

“Because you two never could stay away from each other.”