“Um…the couch is fine,” I said.
“Couch it is, then. What would you like to drink?” he asked.
“I don’t have much…”
“Doesn’t matter. What would you like?”
“Is there a bottle of water in there?” I asked.
“There’s peach and kiwi-infused waters,” he said.
“I’ll have a peach one.”
“Then I’ll take kiwi.”
The two of us sat on the couch and ate a sensible dinner. I took small bites, trying to gauge my nausea as we sat together in silence. I was waiting for him to make a move on me. To jump my bones or try to talk me into sleeping with him. I was waiting for some quip about how I was already pregnant so we couldn’t get into anymore trouble. But he was a true gentleman, keeping a safe distance between us on the couch.
“How are you feeling?” Preston asked.
“Rough,” I said.
“How’s your nausea?”
“It’s bad, but I’m getting through it.”
“Are you sleeping?” he asked.
“Does it look like I’m sleeping much?”
“There are things to help with that. I could call up any doctor anywhere and get you what you need.”
His eyes fluttered over to mine and I saw the desperation behind them. He was wanting to help. He was wanting to find any way to make my life a little easier. I had no reason to trust him when he told me he wanted to be in these children’s lives. I mean, we had started all of this on a fling. A weak moment I had when I thought there was nothing else better for me in this world than to fuck my boss.
But now, seeing his eyes silently pleading with me, I wasn’t so sure of my original judgment of him.
Judgment. That thing people always did with me. I hated it. I hated the box people tried to put me in. And here I was, doing it to someone else. For whatever reasons I had done it in the beginning, I didn’t have a leg to stand on anymore. I had judged this man, and harshly. And in the process, I had used him as both an escape and a scapegoat for my unresolved anger towards how my life had turned out.
It wasn’t right, and I owed him an apology.
“I’m sorry,” I said.
“For what?” Preston asked.
“For judging you the way I did.”
He sat up from his plate and turned his body towards me, never once moving closer. Only opening himself a bit more. Dropping a guard I hadn’t seen him put up with me before.
“My life has always been a bit…plain. And sometimes that’s my own doing, but sometimes it’s not. People judge me and make up theories about my life just to quell their own curiosity. And I did the same thing with you. At first, you were a scapegoat for my fear of losing my job. So I judged you. Then, you were a scapegoat for my curiosity that needed to be satiated, so I judged you. Then I used you for a wonderful date and a night of passion I’d never experienced before. And then I judged you again. I didn’t trust you when you said you wanted to be a part of all this because I was still holding you to a judgment I made when I first met you. That you were a playboy who was out for no one but himself.”
“What do you think now?” Preston asked.
“I think…I was wrong. In all three of my forms. I don’t know you at all, and that scares me because we’re going to be bound by these kids. But that doesn’t mean I can’t get to know you, and that doesn’t mean that when I do, you’ll be a bad person,” I said.
“I’m not,” he said. “Just a forward one. And I’ll admit, you had plenty of evidence to base your judgment on. I’m not upset with you, Delilah. Worried? Yes. Wishing you would let me help? Hell yes. But you set forth the rules and I’ll follow your lead on this.”
He was being serious. Genuinely serious. My heart was thudding in my chest and my pelvis was warming up. This beautiful man, who had built empires and crumbled companies, was telling me he would take my lead. That he would respect my boundaries and that he wanted to help.
In that moment, I wanted him to touch me. I wanted him to thrust himself onto me and make me feel beautiful like he had that night. Like he did in that bathroom. It was like a switch had flipped within me. I suddenly needed this man more than life itself. But he was a courteous gentleman, settling for taking my hand while I wanted him to take my body.