2X The Heat (2X The Pleasure 1)

I loved him so much it killed me so much more every day. And I think that’s why I couldn’t talk to him. I don’t deserve him. I blamed him when he didn’t even do anything wrong. I blamed him for loving me and after all he has been through, he definitely didn’t deserve that.

I buried myself in work and sometimes that made it worse.

I had referral sheets for every new client, to see where my marketing was going well, and they have all said Tristan Cox under family and friends. He

was sending me so many clients, I had the upfront to get a new space and cater to the new clients, all because of him.

My shop was bigger, and while I still grew a lot of the flowers myself, I started outsourcing.

Ivy helped me a lot. She even quit her job to go into marketing and advertising, and I helped boost her resume by having her work for me.

She still loved fashion, but she loved the brains behind making it work even more. She wants to run her own runway shows one day. For now, she organizes everything but the flowers. I would welcome the distraction, but every time I look at a check book I think of Tristan and I burst into tears.

I had been crying a lot, I should have been out of tears by now. But I still cried myself to sleep every night. I’d wake up with swollen eyes and cry through breakfast because I see all of his missed calls. He hadn’t stopped calling.

When I answered that weird number, I heard his voice and freaked out. I couldn’t talk to him because I felt stupid.

I was stupid to think I could have him. I come home every night, saying we could be having dinner together. We could be sleeping in the same bed now, we could be having breakfast, fighting over the shower and then end up sharing before going off to work. Texting each other and falling more and more in love every day. I was stupid and I couldn’t face him.

So, I distracted myself with work and the business got bigger than I could have ever imagined, for that I was happy. I wanted to make my mother proud. I wanted to beg for Tristan’s forgiveness, but he was such a good man, I know he isn’t even angry. But he should be.

He never even left any angry voice mails.

Emilia, I just want to talk to you. Please call me back.

I want to know that you are doing okay. How are you? Call me back.

I miss you. And I still love you. We can still try and make this work.

Emilia, I’m sorry. Please call me back.

I still love you. I still want you.

Please, this doesn’t have to end.

He wasn’t mad. He was hurt. He doesn’t chase women, he was going against all his norms for me. I hated myself for driving him mad like this and I didn’t know how to fix it.

“Emilia, we have to be there in twenty minutes!”

Ivy had a key to my place and started letting herself in. I was going to an annual flower convention downtown. Its main purpose was to book companies like mine for different gigs. I hoped to build the clientele there, all the people Tristan sent me have started to die down.

“Coming!”

I covered my red eyes with eyeliner and fixed my dress. I forced myself to wear this bright green sundress when all I wanted was to wear sweats and eat ice cream. At first I ate a bunch of junk food, now I just ate little to nothing. My clothes were fitting looser. I remembered how much Tristan loved my body, he would barely recognize me now.

“Okay, let’s go.” Ivy eyed me warily. She knew I had been crying. She just knew me well.

She drove us down town and we started setting up. The tables were already there so we just decorated, she made a really nice table cloth with my logo on it. The business cards and portfolio were set out and we sat behind the table, watching the room fill up with other vendors.

“You were crying this morning.” She commented. I shrugged.

“Yeah. As usual.”

“Honey, why don’t you call him? He isn’t mad. You can fix this.” She clasped my hand.

I shook my head, taking a deep breath to keep from crying.

“I can’t. There is nothing I can do without making a fool of myself. Let’s just focus on this, please.”