Serve Me

I knew I was in a hell of a lot of trouble when I thought, in that very moment, that he looked so good with small animal in his arms, and I bet that he would look even better with a small child in them.

The doctor patted my shoulder before she wrote down some things on her pad, and then she left. She walked out of the room and left the door slightly opened, and I knew that Flynn would come bursting in after a few seconds. My heart beamed at the protective role Flynn had adopted when it came to taking care of me, but I felt tears spring to my eyes when I realized I’d have to tell him.

I’d have to tell him I was cleared to travel, and that I’d be leaving again.

I thought about all the memories I hadn’t created with him because I was in Paris. Rodeos I never watched him ride in and nights where I was never there for dinner. Vacations where we lounged around on the beach and hospital trips he took with his dad where he could’ve used the support. I can only imagine that he’d been the rock of his family whenever his father’s health declined for the worst, but even those who are rock solid had a foundation to stand on.

I wondered who his foundation was and if he sunk himself into different women to forget. I wondered if he stayed away from women like I stayed away from men and if my presence penetrated his life like he still did mine. I had no right to claim him… no right to ask anything of him other than to forgive me.

And part of me felt I didn’t even have the right to ask him that.

I owed him answers and I needed to be ready to give him those answers. I needed to brace for his anger and be prepared for the fact that he might throw me out. He might get so angry and feel so betrayed that my shit’ll be out on his front lawn by the time I get him calmed down long enough to talk. I’d made assumptions about him back in college whenever I’d left my life behind to go to Paris, and I knew exactly how Flynn felt about people assuming things about him.

I had to stop being so fucking scared and just talk with him.

He had questions, I had answers he deserved, and it was my turn to take care of him. It was my turn to give him what he needed, even if it meant possibly destroying the greatest thing I’d ever built since I’d left for Paris after graduation.

But really, me going back to work at the end of next week would destroy that anyway. I was walking into a massive amount of work that had to be done on my end, and I probably wouldn't come back until next summer to visit my family.

Flynn deserved better than a string of summer romances with one used up woman.

“Knock knock.”

Flynn slowly stepped through the door, and he had a massive smile on his face.

“The doctor told me you were doing well,” he nodded.

“Yeah,” I breathed. “Yeah, she uh… she says everything seems to be healing just fine.”

“How’s the swelling?” he asked.

“Looks to be almost gone.”

“Good! That’s good. Any more restrictions?”

There it was. The question that would lead to all sorts of other questions. I’d tell him there were no restrictions and it would dawn on him that it meant I could go back to work, and then he’d wanna know what I did for work. That’s when I’d tell him I worked for a prominent fashion designer in Paris, and that would make him curious. He’d ask how long I’d been working in Paris, and I’d tell him five years, and he’d do the math, and then it would happen.

All the questions he had for me would come pouring out at once.

I’d never been so thankful for a doctor interrupting me in all my life.

“Alright! We need you to try and pee in this cup again, and then you can head on out. I’ll see you in a week!” she smiled.

“What a mood killer,” Flynn smirked.

“What mood? There was no mood,” I giggled.

“There’s always a mood when I’m with you,” Flynn said lowly.

“I could walk around in your mother’s moo moo, and it would make you horny.”

“Because it isn’t the clothing that turns me on,” Flynn lulled.

His voice made my skin hot, and I grabbed the cup and made my way to the bathroom before I dug myself a deeper hole. I had to talk to him. I had to tell him everything. I had to tell him the doctor cleared me for travel and that I had to go back to Paris and that Paris was where I’d been for the past few years and that I didn’t think he would want to go with me and I figured he’d ask me to stay. I had to tell him he couldn't know because if he’d asked me to stay, I would’ve.

For him.

For us.