I wouldn’t let them, I couldn’t.
If I did she’d just hit me again.
That wasn’t going to happen, not tonight.
“I don’t know why your father didn’t make a man out of you. Jesus, he’s as useless as you are, isn’t he?”
“Don’t talk about him like that.” I was going to pay for that comment, I knew it. I should have kept my mouth shut.
Just as she reached out to slap me, I woke up. Sweat dripped from my forehead.
The military, being overseas, should have been the hardest moments of my life. But instead I had nightmares full of burns, pain, and harsh childhood memories.
Fuck my childhood.
And fuck everyone who ever hurt me.
Someday, I would make them wish they didn’t.
CHAPTER 1
Tessa
“How’s it going, Tessa?”
Taking a sip of coffee from my thermos and breathing in the aroma of hospital air, I looked up to find one of the new medical students give me a quick wave and a nod. I couldn’t remember her name, and almost felt guilty about it until she redirected her attention elsewhere so quickly that I didn’t even have time to respond.
“It’s going fine. How about you?” I muttered. I thought back to my own days in school. Initially, I had dreamed of becoming a doctor. But the more I studied in the field and learned the roles of the players within it, life as a doctor started to seem too distant and cold. Sure, doctors had one of the most important jobs in the world. Yet, in my time studying and working with them, I felt they spent too much time treating symptoms rather than people. I was drawn to the medical field because I wanted to help people, not just their symptoms.
Fortunately, I came to the conclusion that nursing would allow me to experience the personal connection I desired in terms of helping those in need. I was well aware that when people walked out of the hospital doors after a prolonged illness, an accident, or a frightening brush with death, it was often the nurses and the care they received that they remembered afterwards. I wanted to be a part of those memories.
That being said, caring for patients wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows, particularly in the emergency department. That’s why every day, before I left home, I made a ritual of looking in the mirror, taking a deep breath, and saying to myself, “You got this, Tessa.” I’ve come to depend on this daily pep talk because constantly witnessing trauma after could quickly burn you out.
In fact, the past week had been exceptionally busy. Even though I was just starting my shift, I was already praying for an easy day. But I hardly had time to sit my coffee down before I realized my hopes for an easy day weren’t going to be granted.
“INCOMING GSW!”
The announcement rang through the air and instantly sent my heart pumping. Nurses began to dash across the floor, hurrying to prep. Instinctually, I reached into my pocket for my hairband, quickly and efficiently twirling my hair up and out of the way. My body went into auto-pilot mode. Everyone working in the emergency department quickly learned to expect gunshot victims regularly, although that never made it easier to deal with. There was always pressure when someone’s life was potentially on the line, pouring from a wound.
The typical questions started firing back and forth throughout the emergency department while we all scattered about, trying to prepare.
“Male or female?” I asked.
“Male,” someone yelled in reply.
“Location of the shot?”
“Lower back!”
“How long ago?”
“About fifteen minutes.”
Shaking my head, I analyzed the information, trying to determine what would potentially be needed for the incoming patient. By the time paramedics rolled him through the hospital doors, I was ready. I followed closely behind them, noting the amount of blood collecting at the bottom of his shirt.
My nerves were already starting to subside, confident that Dr. Nualli would be able to save this one.
Dr. Nualli, a kind and caring Indian woman, was the doctor I usually got assigned to. Together, we made an excellent team. After some of the previous doctors I’d worked with, all whom had distant and aloof attitudes, it had been a breath of fresh air when I first got assigned to Dr. Nualli. Rarely did I encounter doctors who cared about patients just as much as I did. When I first met her, she smiled, looked at me with her warm brown eyes, took my hand and said, ?