The entire truck ride home I felt her pulling away. Her grip on my hand wasn’t as tight, and her head was constantly turned out to look at the passing scenery. I tried to jump start a bit of conversation, but all she gave me was one-word answers and a few grunts. I wanted to know what was on her mind because I wanted to help. I wanted to tell her that I was under no impression that she was sticking around, but I did also tell her that I wanted to keep in touch. I wanted to be able to call and her email so we could exchange them regularly. I wanted to know her mailing address so I could send her things on her birthday and for the holidays, and I wanted to ask her if there was any way we could… I don’t know… video each other or something. I saw people do it in town all the time on their phones and laptops, and I wanted to tell her I could get a phone or laptop that had that capability.
I wanted to tell her that I supported whatever career she wanted, even if we did the long-distance thing for a while. She had to know that I would try and make this work. Somehow.
We got back to my house, and she pushed quickly out of the truck and made her way to the house. I stumbled out and jogged after her, but when she realized the house was locked, I reached over her shoulder and unlocked the door for her. I pushed it open, and she strode in, and just before she made her way to the stairs, I grabbed her arm and turned her around.
“Chelsea.”
“Yes?” she asked lightly.
“Don’t play coy with me. What’s wrong?” I asked.
“Nothing. Just… not feeling well.”
“The doctor said you were doing fine. Did you eat something bad?” I asked.
“No. Just tired, I guess,” she sighed.
“Well, gimme a second, and I’ll come slide in beside ya,” I nodded.
“No no no. That’s fine. You just, do your thing. It’ll be a short nap.”
There it was. She was pulling away. Everything we had started between one another was slowly fading away, and she thought I was an idiot. I’d ridden this roller coaster with her on many occasions, and a small spark of angry wafted within the pit of my gut.
“Chelsea,” I said.
“Yes, Flynn,” she sighed.
“I’m not an idiot, so stop treatin’ me like one.”
Her eyes fell heavily on mine, and something akin to guilt wafted over her eyes. She felt bad that she had to go back to work, and I needed her to know that I knew that was gonna happen. I didn’t expect her to stay and lord knows I wasn’t gonna make her, but I could easily tell she wasn’t going to tell me what was going on in that head of hers. I let out a long sigh.
“I’m gonna start cooking dinner in a couple hours. I’ll come get ya when it’s ready.”
“I’m sure I’ll be up by then,” she smiled.
I watched her go up the stairs, and her grip on the banister was a bit tighter than it needed to be. I knew something was tumbling around in her mind, and I wanted to scream at her to talk to me. I went into the kitchen and felt my anger bubble up into my throat, and when I balled up my fist, I whipped around and put it through the wall beside the fridge.
“Shit!” I bit. Why the fuck was she not talking to me? For the love of god, I stuck by her when she left me twice, and I took her in, no questions asked when she almost killed herself three weeks ago! She was pulling away because she was about to leave and the only thing I was asking for was for her to talk! To give me answers! I wanted to be a part of her life, damn it!
Why the hell didn’t she want the same!?
I got to cooking dinner, and I heard footsteps patter down the hallway just as I finished what I was cooking. Beans and rice with a side of cornbread were on the menu and extra sweet tea just how I knew Chelsea liked it. She came in and sat down without a word, and when we started spooning food onto our plates, I finally asked the question I knew would spark the conversation.
“What’s wrong, Chelsea?” I said lowly.
“Nothing, Flynn,” she smiled, “just still waking up.”
“Chelsea, you’ve been pulling away all day.”
“I’m just tired,” she sighed.
“Chelsea. Talk to me,” I urged. I reached over to take her hand but she wrenched away from me, and I knew that if I was gonna get the answers I wanted before she left this place and never looked back again, I had to let her come to me on her own watch.
Fuck.
“How was your nap?” I asked.
“Really nice.”