All that self-talk didn’t change the fact that I missed Hailey. Not just her body and the things it did to mine, but her smile, hearing her talk, her scent. Everything. I missed everything about her.
No matter how much I wished it, these feelings were not going to just disappear. I was forced to stop bull-shitting myself and man up and admit I was all kinds of messed up over Hailey.
If I knew where she lived, I would have gone and knocked her door down. I would have talked her ear off and forced her to listen to what I had to say.
It was probably a good thing I didn’t know her address then because I would have just looked like a damn fool.
I put the cellphone away before I dialed her number again and pulled out a text book instead. I would try to get some studying done before I headed to bed. It was Monday evening. Hailey and I had Biology labs in the morning. I would confront her then and lay my feelings on the line.
***
Saying my piece was a lot easier said than done when I was confronted with a cold and aloof Hailey the next day.
I sat next to her in what had already become our usual spot.
“Good morning,” I greeted and was answered with an uncommitted nod.
She didn’t look at me directly. I may as well have not existed in the moment for all the attention she paid to me.
Ouch.
The professor came in before any more could be said and the lecture began.
My attention was mostly on the woman next to me for the next two hours but her eyes remained trained on the lecturer. She only moved them to take notes.
When the professor announced the end of class, she immediately started to pack up her stuff.
I stopped her as she stood to leave. She looked at where my hand was on her upper arm like the touched offended her and I removed my hand, that look hitting me in the gut.
I waited until the last student had filed out before speaking. “We need to talk.”
She lifted emotionless eyes to meet mine. “I cannot imagine what we have to talk about Wyatt.”
Even her tone was void of feeling. Fuck.
I tried to lighten things with a carefree tone, ignoring her immediate denial.
“There is plenty to talk about. Like the fact that you’ve been ignoring me. That’s not very nice of you, study partner. How about dinner tonight?” I asked. “You can apologize to me and I’ll pretend to be mad for a few minutes before we make up.”
I smiled to end my teasing speech but she remained as aloof as ever. It was like being confronted by a brick wall.
My smile fell and I became series once more. “Come on, Hailey. Meet me half way here. We can talk this out. There is no reason for things to be tense between us.”
She looked away from me and sighed impatiently. She added insult to injury by looking down at the small watch on her wrist.
“Look, Wyatt. This is not going to work out between us. Not as friends or as study buddies. We should just be classmates from now on. I am here to work hard and I do not have time for messing around with you. I cannot afford to be distracted right now.” My heart fell into my stomach.
“I disagree,” I said quickly. “We’re both smart people. If we put our minds to
it I know we can make it work so that we both do great at school and maintain a stable, healthy relationship,” I said. “We were great together before, Hailey. I think we should give this thing between us a chance. We obviously have the chemistry. I know I hurt you before. I should have never shut you out like that. Things will be different this time. I will-”
She cut me off and stated, “What we had was in the past and we should have left it there. I want to leave it there. Do you understand what I am trying to tell you? I don’t want to do this. Please respect my decision and leave it alone.”
God, this rejection felt like someone had just pushed a fist through my chest and pulled out my beating heart.
Old habits die hard and I pulled my playboy cloak around me to hide my hurt.
I pulled forth a cocky grin even though I was hurting on the inside and said, “If you change your mind, you know where to find me. I will even reinstate our friends with benefits arrangement if you ask real nicely.”