“You know why,” I told her softly. “It’s hard for me. Being back here.”
“But it doesn’t have to be,” Audra insisted. “The more you come back, the easier it’ll become.”
“I don’t want it to be easy,” I said. “I like my life in New York.”
“Do you?” Audra’s skepticism annoyed me.
“Audra, don’t you remember how long I spent thinking up plans for my life? By the time I was fifteen I knew exactly what I wanted to do, who I wanted to be.”
“I remember,” Audra said.
“So, aren’t you the least bit happy for me?”
“Of course, I am,” Audra promised. “I just don’t think you are happy.”
“What does that mean?” I could feel myself getting defensive and the last thing I wanted to do was fight with my sister.
“It means that you’re drowning, Piper.”
“Drowning?” I scoffed.
“You flit from relationship to relationship, never settling down. You work crazy hours and…”
“I have a job, so what?”
“So, that job is not your entire life.”
“And you think I don’t know that?” I demanded.
“I think you’re scared,” Audra said bluntly.
“Scared?” I asked, “Scared of what?”
“Living.”
I fell silent and leaned back in my chair. As annoyed as I was with Audra, I couldn’t find it in me to argue with her anymore. She hit on a touchy subject that I didn’t want to explore. It was bad enough having to picture Logan’s face. I didn’t think I could handle having a conversation about him.
Jack sat beside Audra with a concerned look. He’d always worried about me, from the time I was a little girl and he and Audra started going out. He was a good brother, a good husband to my sister. In that moment, I wanted nothing more than to ignore my sister and focus on Jack.
“Jack,” I said pointedly. “How’s work going?”
/> “Oh,” Jack said. He glanced at Audra who just shook her head and sighed. “It’s really good. Things have been…”
Jack launched into an explanation about how wonderful business had been lately. The repair shop he owned was the only one in town, so it wasn’t like he had competition, but it was his pride and joy. He loved that shop almost as much as he loved his family. It was his goal in life to pass it down to his sons when they grew up.
I listened to the rise and fall of Jack’s voice, not catching every word, but happy to be sitting there listening to him. Despite what Audra thought, I did miss being in Bradberry. It was nice to see her and Jack. It was nice to see my cousins and even Aunt Miriam. As much as I hated to admit it, I was even happy to see my parents. There was only one thing keeping me away from Bradberry and it didn’t have anything to do with my family.
The door clanged open behind me and I turned around instinctively. I expected to see another relative or family friend walk through the door and grab a pint, but instead my eyes fell on a familiar face. The exact face I had been picturing moments before.
Logan walked further into the pub, his eyes scanning the room. He looked bigger than the last time I saw him, stronger. His muscles were threatening to tear apart his suit coat and his tie seemed too tight around his neck. Still, he looked handsome. More than handsome. My eyes roamed over his body and his face, glad that he hadn’t seen me yet. I felt glued to my chair. I wanted to move, to run before he saw me, but I couldn’t. My entire body felt heavy.
“What is he doing here?” I heard a voice ask, but it took me a minute to realized it was mine.
“I don’t know…” Audra said, but her words were lost as Logan’s eyes finally found mine. We stared at each other for a fraction of second before my body suddenly felt light and I jumped to my feet. Without a word, I ran toward the back of the pub and disappeared out into the alleyway out back. I didn’t stop running until I was several streets away and breathing heavily.
My heart was racing and my forehead was dripping with sweat, but I didn’t care. I sat down on a curb and put my head between my knees. I told myself to breathe, that I was being ridiculous, but my mind was still racing.
Why was Logan at Kellan’s? Why would he show up to the wake? Was it to see me? Or was it to see…