Teach Me 2x

Well, the time before last time.

Fuck, I was a terrible person.

“Flynn, maybe we could go get some food after and-”

“Let’s just see what the doctor says first, alright? There’s been a bit more… jostling… this week, and I want to make sure you’re alright.”

He reached over and grabbed my hand, and I felt my heart rate begin to speed up. He traced comforting circles around the top of my skin, and part of me wanted to pull this truck over and crawl into his lap. I wasn’t ready to talk about this, but I knew we had to, and now I got the feeling that Flynn wanted to avoid it at all costs.

My stomach lurched with guilt, and I felt myself growing nauseous, and when we pulled into the doctor’s office, I had to lean against the truck door to steady myself.

“You alright?” he asked lowly.

“Just fine,” I sighed.

We walked hand in hand into the doctor’s office, and I was seen immediately. I reluctantly let go of Flynn’s hand and went back into the office by myself, and a few tests were performed before they took a bit of blood. I had lights shined in my eyes, and I had my ears looked at. I followed fingers and got my reflexes checked, and when the doctor was finally done, she stood back and smiled.

“You’re healing beautifully, and we got your tests back that you did at the hospital a couple of days ago.”

“Oh? Well, what do they look like? How’s all the swelling?” I asked.

“Nonexistent. Your brain looks like it’s finally healed, and you’ll be just fine to travel next week.”

“Oh.”

The memories of Flynn began to rush through my head. Memories of him holding me so close his touch woke me up and mornings where I woke up and he was smiling at me. Memories of him bringing me breakfast in bed and huddling down into the covers while we watched television together. I remember a few days ago I heard a commotion out with the animals, so I wrapped a blanket around my naked body and made way for the window. I watched Flynn mount one of his horses bareback and go after a bull that was terrorizing a small calf that had been born while I had been here, and I saw a glimpse of the man who lived for the thrill when he was chasing after that bull. I watched him bring out a whip and a rope and physically drag the bull away from the calf, and when he finally had the bull controlled, I watched him hop off that horse and scoop the little calf up in his arms.

I knew I was in a hell of a lot of trouble when I thought, in that very moment, that he looked so good with small animal in his arms, and I bet that he would look even better with a small child in them.

The doctor patted my shoulder before she wrote down some things on her pad, and then she left. She walked out of the room and left the door slightly opened, and I knew that Flynn would come bursting in after a few seconds. My heart beamed at the protective role Flynn had adopted when it came to taking care of me, but I felt tears spring to my eyes when I realized I’d have to tell him.

I’d have to tell him I was cleared to travel, and that I’d be leaving again.

I thought about all the memories I hadn’t created with him because I was in Paris. Rodeos I never watched him ride in and nights where I was never there for dinner. Vacations where we lounged around on the beach and hospital trips he took with his dad where he could’ve used the support. I can only imagine that he’d been the rock of his family whenever his father’s health declined for the worst, but even those who are rock solid had a foundation to stand on.

I wondered who his foundation was and if he sunk himself into different women to forget. I wondered if he stayed away from women like I stayed away from men and if my presence penetrated his life like he still did mine. I had no right to claim him… no right to ask anything of him other than to forgive me.

And part of me felt I didn’t even have the right to ask him that.

I owed him answers and I needed to be ready to give him those answers. I needed to brace for his anger and be prepared for the fact that he might throw me out. He might get so angry and feel so betrayed that my shit’ll be out on his front lawn by the time I get him calmed down long enough to talk. I’d made assumptions about him back in college whenever I’d left my life behind to go to Paris, and I knew exactly how Flynn felt about people assuming things about him.

I had to stop being so fucking scared and just talk with him.

He had questions, I had answers he deserved, and it was my turn to take care of him. It was my turn to give him what he needed, even if it meant possibly destroying the greatest thing I’d ever built since I’d left for Paris after graduation.

But really, me going back to work at the end of next week would destroy that anyway. I was walking into a massive amount of work that had to be done on my end, and I probably wouldn't come back until next summer to visit my family.

Flynn deserved better than a string of summer romances with one used up woman.

“Knock knock.”

Flynn slowly stepped through the door, and he had a massive smile on his face.

“The doctor told me you were doing well,” he nodded.

“Yeah,” I breathed. “Yeah, she uh… she says everything seems to be healing just fine.”

“How’s the swelling?” he asked.