Once the luggage had been unloaded, and the driver carried the bags into the house, Heidi and her mother climbed the steps. Heidi looked around, the familiarity, and strangeness, of the house she’d been raised in, overwhelming her.
“If you will excuse me, Mother, I’d like to retire for the night.” Before her mother could answer, Heidi broke free of her grasp, and fisting her skirts in her hands, raced up the stairs to the privacy of her bedroom.
The familiar lavender and white room soothed her. Her large bed hugged the wall, the deep purple and white flowered bedspread calling to her. She removed her hat, laid it on the dresser, and walked around the room, smoothing her palm over the furniture she’d lived with for twenty-three years. The desk where she’d completed her assignments, the table next to her bed where several books she’d intended to read still rested.
She peered in the mirror over her dresser and did not recognize the woman who stared back at her. She’d left a girl, returned a woman. She’d held a job, lived away from home, had a man make love to her. A man she loved with her whole heart. A man she’d inflicted the worst type of pain on. For money.
A soft knock on the door dragged her away from her musing. She quickly wiped the tears from the corner of her eyes and called, “Come in.”
Her mother entered and closed the door behind her. She fixed Heidi with a stare, then crossed the room, and took her in her arms. After giving her a hug, she leaned back and looked her in the eye. “Now, Heidi, I want you to tell me the absolute truth.”
Heidi pulled away and crossed her arms over her middle, avoiding her mother’s eyes. “What do you want to know?”
Mother sighed and sat on the edge of the bed. “I want to know what is going on. You are, by far, the most miserable looking bride I’ve ever seen.”
Heidi covered her face with shaking hands and sobbed.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Michael passed the worst day of his life in a fog. After Heidi left, he stood, staring at the curtain as it waved, then settled back into place. Her lavender scent still filled the air, and teased him. The entire conversation replayed in his head, leaving the sensation of a dream. Not a dream-a nightmare.
Heidi-his Heidi-had announced she intended to leave Guthrie and return to Oklahoma City to marry Clarence. The entire conversation had happened so fast, he didn’t even remember half of what she’d said. Except the words I’m leaving. The two words now doing a rat-a-tat-tat in his brain, in time with each heartbeat.
Leaving. It’d happened again. What he’d protected himself against for years, what he swore he would never do to himself, had materialized. Only this time the pain crippled him. He’d imagined himself in love with Alice years ago, and suffered the resulting pain. But not like this. Now he felt as though his insides had been ripped out. Like somewhere out there, half of his entire being existed without him.
He loved Heidi more than his own life. In fact, no life remained without her. What had Manfred offered her that would change her mind? Despite her claims she wanted to go through with her marriage to Clarence, she looked miserable.
He ran his fingers through his hair. For God’s sake, he’d made love to her. And he knew Heidi quite well. She would not allow a man to take her to bed unless she had strong feelings for him. He did not misread the love in her eyes. What the hell had happened?
The tinkling of the front doorbell announced a customer. In all his years of tending to customers, he’d never felt like locking the door and going home. Until today.
With Heidi not in the store, the distraction of doing both of their jobs kept the worst thoughts at bay, and the day passed quickly. Not having an appetite, he’d skipped lunch and mixed prescriptions while the door remained locked for the half hour between noon and twelve-thirty.
By six o’clock, more than ready to stop smiling at people, he surrendered to exhaustion. As he placed the dust covers over the counters, all the horror of the morning returned, the physical pain so strong, it almost brought him to his knees. How would he even face tomorrow, and the day after?
He dropped the ring of keys into his pocket after locking the front door, and headed for The Blue Belle Saloon. His anger burned, keeping the chill of the evening at bay, as he strode past shopkeepers closing up for the night, and passers-by who nodded and smiled at him. He turned the corner, and almost collided with a drunk leaving the saloon. With a growl, he circled around the weaving man, and pushed the door open.
Stale smoke and the odor of liquor smacked him in the face, irritating his eyes. Even though a weeknight, every table held patrons, with men lined up at the long wooden bar at the far end of the room. Several poker games were in progress, and the whores wandered the room, plying their trade.
Michael ordered a whiskey at the bar, took the full bottle and a small glass in his hand, then settled at an empty table, his back to the wall. He poured a drink, downed it, then poured another. If he could have his way, he would drink enough to forget Heidi.
There isn’t enough liquor in the world.
He had no idea how much time had passed, but the bottle now stood half empty. If his glass would only stop moving, he could pour another drink, but once he began, the glass moved, and the liquor pooled on the table.
“Michael?”
The familiar voice pulled him out of his stupor. Michael attempted to focus his eyes on Jesse who stood in front of him, a slight smile on his face.
“Can I sit down?” Jesse pulled out a chair, not waiting for permission.
His uncle signaled for a waitress and ordered a beer. Once she’d set the glass overflowing with foam in front of him, he turned his attention to Michael. “What brings you here, Michael?”
“Do I need a reason?” Stunned at the slur in his voice, he straightened his shoulders, and looked Jesse in the eye. Or thought he did. Apparently, Jesse had brought his identical twin brother with him.
Jesse shrugged. “I’ve never seen you drink so much.”
“What…what… makes ya think I’ve…drank…drunken, so…so much?” He burped.