“I’m trying to be a bit less… gaudy. Because subtlety is clearly to your taste, which is strange because there’s not a lot that’s subtle about you.”
“Why you selected those particular breasts for me, of course.”
“It was a message on multiple levels.”
“Kind of a cry for help if you ask me,” I observed. “Well…”
Far more serious things bubbled under the rhythm of our banter: things it was easier to avoid for the moment.
Finally, I said, “I’ve decided to give you that chance you wanted. One chance. You don’t have to be perfect, but I need to see that you’re making a real effort to be on my side, at least. No peeking in my bank account or psyching me out with stupid tricks. No more playing your own game because you’re afraid I might screw you over. You know I’m not going to screw you over. If you’ve missed that after all this, you don’t deserve my time.”
The way he was tensing up was kind of endearing. It was like a dog, when you gave him attention and he was wound up because he wanted more. I hadn’t realised I could be such a prize to anyone.
“I won’t let you down,” he told me.
“Let’s just have a good time for the moment and not make any predictions.”
There was something else that was brewing inside of me, a thought that was too far out there to give any serious attention. I wanted to make a perverse point of my own, to feel on that night like everyone around me understood they were only ever going to be able to mess with me on my own terms.
Like Dad, I was a bit prone to going too far once I got an idea in my head. Dad would probably think this was funny if he got to hear about it, which was a bad sign… and this was Hobart, too. This was something that would be doing the rounds in legend for decades to come.
Axel’s forehead had made its way down to my shoulder, so he was directing his words to my collarbone. “If I am permitted to make a suggestion now…”
“I will allow it.”
“How about we move this to the floor inside? We might as well be enjoying a good slow dance at this point, but we can hardly hear the music from here and there’s nobody else around.”
“You want to be seen, you mean.” I was starting to firm up in my resolve. What was the worst that could come of it, anyway?
“It’s more like… out here, we can’t be watched. And that means… I keep thinking about how I could just turn you over this railing, and…”
I was glad he couldn’t see my face at the moment… but as close as he was, he was probably getting a few other cues as to my state of mind. “I want to make sure you don’t have any recording devices on you this time, though. A search might be in order.”
He flung his head back to smirk at me. “Already the cracks are forming.”
“And,” I continued while I had that little bit of distance from him, “there’s something I intend to do first. Think of it as a little statement I need to make to feel like this really is my choice. I’m sure it’s a gesture you won’t forget.”
“Aileen?”
I pushed him aside so I could lead the way back through the door and get a bit of a head start. By the time Axel realised what was about to happen might not be something he wanted to allow to happen, by the time he was trying to call to me and catch me, I was halfway across the crowded dance floor, weaving my way between questionable moves everyone would be willing to forget tomorrow. Being a lot smaller than Axel and a bit notorious these days, I was able to keep my lead on him and climb the steps up to the stage without anyone stopping me.
“Friends!” I shouted, grasping for the microphone. Axel had skidded to a halt at the bottom of the stairs. I think he realised he was on seriously wobbly turf if he wanted to grab me and drag me down. Anyway, I had almost everyone’s attention now and I was going to have my moment. Several of the attending staff were squirming and glancing around, of which I could see Ms. Miller closest by at the foot of the stage, but they all seemed wary about interrupting me too.
Well, they should be. And they should be even more worried about letting me go ahead.
I didn’t have a speech prepared, of course. But I was good at talking. “It’s been a tough year for some of us—it’s been a tough schooling career, right?” A lot of claps and loud proclamations of agreement. They were going to be even happier that I didn’t have an extended monologue planned for them. “Well, I won’t keep you from your celebrations too long, but there is one little thing that needs to be addressed before we can all move on with our lives—and by we, I mostly mean me. I’m sure you all already know I’m talking about a certain photo a lot of you still have on your phones or saved in your downloaded files on your laptops.”
There was a lot of squirming across the hall now, and some of it was coming from the responsible adults in the room. Ms. Miller was trying frantically to get my attention from her floor location.
“Just to be clear, I am not going to go into that whole mess or expect any of you to prove your hands are clean,” I said. “That would be too depressing. I just want to clear up a little misconception that’s been standing way too long. It’s clear a lot of you think that image—and the parts it exposes—are actual naked parts of me, and that has never been the case. It is a forgery, and a terrible one you should all have been able to see through.” A lot of murmuring ensued. “But I know none of you are going to believe this until you get the sort of proof you can’t argue with. And I shouldn’t indulge that… but I’m just so fed up with all this silent judgement, and when it comes down to it I just don’t care, so…”
I put my hands around behind my back to lower my zipper, and before Axel’s shout of protest even reached my ears, I had let go, so my dress dropped down to my waist.
There was not any room for a bra under there. I was showing them everything.
I counted to four in my head, expecting someone to run up and halt me, but the general theme of the room was ‘frozen in horror’. Tamara and Callie were poking one another over the top of a clearly unimpressed Lucas, and failing not to laugh. Matt, who seemed to have been caught still midway through his dessert, had his face in his hands; I noticed Danny was not being nearly so shy.
Once I got to four, I pulled the front of the dress up and took my time adjusting it so it would sit properly in place, then I put my hand up to stop Ms. Miller, who had finally found the nerve to get on stage with me. “Relax, I’m not going to follow suit with the vulva. For all I know it might look just like that one that was edited in, anyway.”