“Change myself,” I repeated. “We’ve only just started dating officially. What do you mean?”
“I think your mother is referring to changes that started weeks before this weekend, Callie,” said Dad.
“You dress completely differently these days,” Mum said. “You’re slathering on all this makeup just to leave the house. The way you walk, talk… you’ve quit your job.”
“I got a new one.”
“And do you even see Tamara any more?” Mum asked, even though she hadn’t given a damn whether Tamara was in my life or not before now.
I did not want to think about bloody Tamara. I tried to focus on the relevant parts of this argument.
“I am doing things differently now,” I conceded. “I’ve changed my life. But I think it’s all for the better.”
“You shouldn’t have to change yourself to make a man like you,” Mum told me. “He should be able to like you for who you really are, if it’s meant to be.”
“But what if—” I bit down on what I’d been about to say. What if who you really are isn’t someone you can be proud of?
I noticed Dad hadn’t had much to say. He was supporting Mum, because that was what he tried to do when it was of no concern to him, and he was probably quite happy to stay on the anti-Lucas train. But he clearly didn’t really understand what she was on about.
I knew what Mum was on about. She was frustrated with me, because she could see me actually doing something to change my life for the better. Dragging myself out of the fairly shitty situation I’d been born into. It was something she’d never been able to do, and the jealousy was killing her.
The two people who had hinted most strongly that maybe there was something special between Lucas and I were now mad because maybe there was. I really didn’t understand this world.
I was already in bed when I got a text from Lucas letting me know he wouldn’t need a ride in to school the next morning and he’d be too busy to hang out after I was done with work too. Maybe Wednesday.
Well, we’d already agreed I was too busy to commit to driving him around after school on a regular basis, and we’d probably see one another during breaks the next day. But if our first day as a public couple was anything to go by, I’d be stuck chatting to Carlene and maybe getting the odd cuddle from Lucas as he talked shit with the guys. I didn’t hate it exactly, but it wasn’t like the times when Lucas had all his attention focused on me. It made me wonder if this was the best I could hope for, now he’d gotten all he could want from me.
Of course that was just insecurity. Lucas had taken responsibility for the situation between the two of us, and that had made a huge difference. Nobody was harassing me about what was going on any more, although some of my classmates would smirk or wink at me in a knowing way that was a bit embarrassing. Tamara was getting the brunt of wha
t I would normally have copped, and that sucked, but I didn’t know what I could do about that.
I did need to decide what I was going to do about Lucas, though. Either I found a way to put my trust in him properly, like he deserved… or I would have to say no to him for the third time. And that would probably be the last time.
Chapter Twenty-Three
“See you tomorrow,” Carlene called as Lucas led me away.
Carlene and the other guys seemed to have really taken to me, and acted as if I’d always been part of their group. Sophia was still just polite, and Ashleigh avoided any situation where we would have to interact, but I knew she was always watching me, waiting to see if I would try to crank her for more information.
To my surprise I hadn’t been thinking about the Ashleigh situation much since Monday. I was mostly bothered by Carlene. If she liked me so much now, if she’d been so desperate for a friend, then why hadn’t she ever struck up a conversation in class? She had been sitting behind me in science class for months.
It was an annoying question mostly because I understood exactly why she’d never talked to me, of course. It was, more or less, the same reason I’d never turned around and talked to her.
Was the real world as stupidly cliquey as high school? I’d asked Amanda that question at work the day before, and she’d given me an infuriating yes and no answer. Maybe it was just going to be whatever I made of it… but when I didn’t know what I wanted to make of it, that wasn’t a comforting thought.
“And then her tits exploded,” said Lucas. “It was incredible!”
I turned to him. “What?”
“I didn’t think you were paying much attention.” His smug smile offered just a hint of perfect teeth.
I realised I was sitting in the driver’s seat of my car, not going anywhere, and I didn’t even remember getting in.
“First of all,” Lucas said, “is there something you need to talk about? And second, is it something that I’m going to regret asking about?”
“Probably both on all counts,” I said, and started the car so he would have to jump out or something to get control over the interaction, at least. Unless he tried to snatch the steering wheel from me.
He’d behaved himself with his licence suspension as far as I knew—his parents were livid and apparently that was enough to make him take notice. Perhaps I was misjudging him a little right now. I realised just how bad it was that I would even suspect him of doing something so immediately dangerous, though. It should really have told me that Ashleigh was the one I needed to be seeing this afternoon.