The Sexpert

I glance out the back window at the boxes I’m hauling in the bed and say, “Yeah. Finally. I scored a cool studio in the TDH so today is my move-in.”

“TDH,” he says, like he’s trying out the acronym. “That’s the Tall, Dark, and Handsome neighborhood, right? Named for, presumably, all the hot dudes living there?” He rolls his eyes when he says “hot dudes.”

“Yup.” I beam. “Hottest place to live in Colorado right now and I’m there!”

What I don’t say is that I’ve been saving for two years to be able to afford my own apartment. I’m overly cautious that way. I have a year’s worth of rent tucked away in a savings account as my safety net that will not be touched under any circumstances. I might not look like one of those practical girls, but I am. Just thinking about spending my savings gives me a little sick feeling in my stomach.

“That’s funny,” he says.

“What is?”

“I’m moving in there today too.”

Holy shit. “Really?”

“Yup. Just drove in from Moab.” Then he leans in and says, “Don’t tell anybody, though. I’m not sure I’m tall, dark, or handsome enough to be there. Don’t wanna get booted out on my first day.” He winks. He’s clearly making a joke. He could probably be the damn mayor of the TDH.

“Maybe we’ll be neighbors?” I say, then immediately blush. Because I think I just used my secret Sexpert voice on him.

“So… that charger? Sorry, I don’t mean to be rude but I was on a call with my friend, and he’s in some kind of crisis and needs someone to vent to. Sorry. Can I borrow it? Please?” He smiles again.

“Ah,” I say, finding the charger cord in my purse. “Here you go. But you gotta give it back,” I remind him.

“Already crossed my heart…”

“Eden,” I say, catching his unsaid question about my name.

“Eden,” he says. “Good name. Suits you.” Then he winks again, says, “Thanks!” and turns away.

I watch him walk around the front of his truck and get in the driver’s side, then continue to watch as he plugs my charger in and starts tapping on his phone.

“Sorry, dude,” I can hear him say into the phone over the din of the stopped traffic. “My phone died. What? Oh, I had to beg a charger off…” But before I hear any more, he rolls up the window and shuts me out.

“Hmmmph,” I huff.

Well, those were two completely unexpected and exciting things to happen on the way to work. And it’s my move-in day. So that makes three exciting things to happen today.

I can tell my life is gonna be great from now on. It’s like things are finally falling into place. Things are finally going my way. Things are finally gonna get better.

But that’s when I notice traffic is moving again.

I look over at cute guy—hey, he didn’t give me his name back—and I’m about to yell out the window about my charger, but he just waves and pulls away.

I beep my horn, but he doesn’t even bother looking over his shoulder. Just butts his way between two cars and disappears over the hill.

I turn on my blinker to signal I want to get over so I can go after him, but a guy driving a BMW gives me the finger and scoots past me.

Assholes. Both of those stupid men are assholes.

And cue the irony. Because now I really do have to spend my last ten bucks on a new phone charger just because I fell for a handsome stranger on the freeway.

CHAPTER TWO – ANDREW

“Shit,” I say, watching my new friend Eden disappear in my rearview.

“What? What’s wrong?” That’s Pierce on speakerphone.

“The chick I borrowed the charger from. Traffic started moving and this dude honked at me and I had to take off. I tried to wave to her to follow me so that I can pull over and give it back but I don’t think she saw me.”

“Fuck her. Her own stupid fault for giving her shit to a stranger on the freeway.”

Sometimes I can forget that Pierce is an unapologetic asshole. Occasionally I even wonder why I continue being friends with the guy. Normally I try to make it a rule to avoid being friends with assholes, but… Pierce and I go back, and I love him like a brother, so he gets a pass.

Also, he’s French. So it’s kind of to be expected.

“Nice, dude,” I say. “You’re a real treat.”

“Fuck everybody,” he shouts.

“Slow down, K? Start over. I’m not sure I have a handle on what’s twisting your croissant.”

He makes a sound like an engine revving down and says, “Someone is stealing my IP. OK? Someone has stolen my fucking intellectual property. And when I find out who it is… woe be unto them. Woe be unto them, I say!”