I had been occupying myself in trying to smooth down a crease in my black skirt that just kept on puckering up while I was sitting down; those words were exactly what it took to send me into an accelerated frenzy of smoothing.
“I’m telling you this because you need to hear it if you want to make this work,” Devin added. “I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you at all, quite the opposite. But she’s going to look at you right now and see a little girl on her way to a job interview.”
“Isn’t that what this is?” I retorted, mostly just to have something to say.
Devin snorted. “You’d better hope not. If she had a say you would already be out on your arse.”
I clenched my hands into fists so hard I started as my own nails started to pierce my skin.
“It’s really up to you.” Devin’s tone was conversational, his arms relaxed as he steered. “If you want to have this turn out the same as every other enterprise you’ve spearheaded: successful only by fluke, ultimately a failure… you can continue as you are. I won’t judge you, because that’s not what a potential husband is supposed
to be there for. But I’m telling you what you need to know to stand tall against those who will judge you and judge how to treat you based on their findings. I thought you might want to give that some attention.”
“You act like I’ve never been out in the wider world before.”
Devin’s faint smile bothered me more than if he hadn’t made any response. It was so clear he was trying to humour me for his own entertainment, and that was just humiliating.
“Yes, Julia, you’ve told me about your little parties with those other little boys and girls. But what do they really prove? You can hold your own against the other children, but you know for yourself that when the stakes grew higher, you were outclassed. You probably don’t need me to tell you that if you had never met that boy who stood up to you, the one you failed to contain, you would probably have stopped going to those parties all the same. He’s an excuse, a rather convenient one, but you’ve never had to use him on anyone but yourself, have you?”
I folded my arms, tucking those fists away. “I thought you wanted to marry me because you expected I’d make a good partner, not to break me down like this. Maybe I’m just one of the people you’re playing here.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” said Devin, “you’re the one playing yourself. I’m trying to help you out.”
“Funny sort of help where you make me feel like an idiot for even trying.”
Devin pulled up hard alongside a block of apartments. I cringed against my side of the car, because clearly I’d gone too far without planning to, but he just slipped his key into his pocket and glanced behind before opening his door right into the oncoming traffic. There was a squeal as someone braked just fast enough to avoid plowing my present problem into oblivion.
When Devin opened the door on my side I said, “Why did you bother looking if you were just going to play chicken?”
He scowled at me. “Chicken? They had plenty of time to stop.”
“The rubber on the road suggests otherwise,” I muttered.
Devin kept staring at me as if I hadn’t said anything. “Come on, Julia, this is not a woman you want to keep waiting.”
That was when I realised we hadn’t stopped so Devin could chew me out, but… because this was where we were stopping. I hadn’t expected an apartment.
“This is where my mother has lived ever since the divorce,” Devin said, clearly far too good at reading me.
“You didn’t really mention that your parents had divorced yet.” The hint was there, but he’d made a point of avoiding any explicit mention until the absolute last minute.
“It isn’t an interesting topic of discussion,” said Devin, which was the proof to my point if there ever was any. “Try to restrain yourself from bringing it up to my mother, or that’s all we’ll talk about the whole time we’re here.”
“Well, and who would I be to deny my future mother-in-law if she wanted to—”
I had stepped out of the car and right into Devin’s hand over my mouth.
“Julia. Have better sense than to play around like this.”
I made a face through his hand, but when he let go of me to take my hand, I said no more. I found myself shrinking behind Devin’s bulk as we walked up to a surprisingly plain door in this grand building and Devin pressed an intercom button.
“Come in.” It was difficult to judge a voice only by how it sounded through a very cheap speaker, but I was already nervous just from what I heard of hers. My feelings were not eased any by the sight of the woman who opened the door we arrived at after a quick stride through a maze of corridors and stairs. She was also head-to-toe black down to the shiny stones of the necklace she wore, so at least I’d gotten the dress code right… the problem was, I was pretty sure now we were indeed dressing for my funeral.
She stared at me without flinching as I stepped into her apartment. Somehow I couldn’t even hide from her when I was physically using Devin as a buffer between the two of us.
Devin’s mother gestured us over to a tan leather couch that my job-interview skirt started slipping on as soon as I sat down. She stared for a long time at Devin holding my hand down against his leg before she turned her attention back to my face.
“Well, Devin made me aware that you would be coming, but I don’t have any idea what I am to call you.”