I took my lip out from between my teeth. That suddenly seemed like such a little-kid way of dealing with the situation, and right now I needed to be a big girl.
“Okay, Devin, well… if you’re not ready to talk, I think you need to go now, please.”
“Is this your way of telling me you’re dropping out of the engagement?” Devin’s eyes went all over my face in a way that left me pretty unsure if he was hoping the answer was yes or no.
I took my hands from his. “If I’m going to end the engagement, I’ll tell you in clear language. This is just me needing a break from this for today. For as long as you can’t give me the answers I need and that matters to me.”
For a moment he didn’t move. I clutched onto a little hope that this would push him to extend himself, say some of the things he apparently really didn’t want to…
Finally, he got to his feet. “You have my number if you need to talk again.”
My jaw was just about dragging on the floor as I watched his very straight, suited back disappearing through the door. I would have liked to throw something after him, but I had a feeling I wasn’t going to get away with damaging the apartment more than I already had.
Maybe Angel would come after me for the cost of the repairs if I walked out on Devin. I had a feeling she’d see it as a case of good riddance, though. If she really wanted me gone, she was getting that pretty cheap.
Was I going, then?
Where would I go? I hadn’t so much as texted my parents since I’d walked out with Devin and all the stuff I owned that I cared about. I doubted they’d be happy to welcome me back in. And even if they were, there was a reason I hadn’t stayed in close contact. I didn’t know what to say to them any more. Didn’t know if I wanted a relationship.
Then I jumped at a knock on the door.
Chapter Fifteen
It took me a few seconds to remember why my heart was going so hard I felt faint. Devin’s family wasn’t exactly enamoured of knocking… but who else would have been able to make it all the way to my door? I knew for a fact Devin would have just walked straight back in.
“Who is it?” I called.
“It’s me,” returned a voice I struggled to place at first. Caroline, of course. “Just came by to see how you were going.”
I mostly let her in because I was overwhelmed by her courtesy in knocking. She clearly didn’t need to.
“I’m actually feeling a little…” I didn’t know where to begin describing it. “I don’t know that I’ll be good company at the moment.”
Caroline bounced past me on her toes. The energy that girl had was really something else. “I don’t mind at all, it’s no surprise you’re a bit down with the time you’ve been having.” I had no idea what part of my recent experience she was alluding to, what she might have been told, so I kept quiet.
Once Caroline reached the glass door that led out to the balcony I’d never gone out onto, she spun to face me. “Do you know what I suggest for someone who’s having it as tough as you? Retail therapy.”
I’d barely recovered from the last trip, and I didn’t think an activity that would remind me of that initial whirlwind shop for the dress I would probably never select now would cheer me up. “Really, Caroline, I’m happy just having a quiet—”
“Come on. I’m not going to just leave you here to stew, that wouldn’t be right.” Caroline grabbed my hand and started tugging on it, then started and pulled it up to peer at the ring that must have pricked her. “Oh, did he get the engagement ring done already? I hadn’t heard. What a beauty!”
She was acting like a friend who expected to be updated on my life. Maybe that was how she saw herself.
It had been a while since I’d had anyone who considered themselves my boyfriend, never mind a regular female friend. I’d never had a really good girlfriend anyway. Real girls were such bitches compared even to the bitchy ones on TV. I’d seen woman friends in some of the shows I watched who would invite themselves in, try to take over when they thought one of their friends was going through a tough time, but I’d assumed that was made up as well.
Caroline was related to Devin, of course, and maybe not the friend I wanted to make if I was planning to get myself away from Devin. But Devin didn’t seem to have much to do with his cousins… and maybe Caroline’s close connection to Angel could help me figure out how to make things right with him and his mother, if I did want to make things work with him.
I didn’t know what I wanted any more. But maybe Caroline was right, and getting out of the apartment would help clear my head. I’d hardly seen sunshine in days after all.
“Okay, fine. But you’d better be willing to drag me around, because I am not in the mood to be in charge of a shopping expedition.”
Caroline clapped her hands together, looking triumphant. “Sounds like a perfect arrangement to me.”
Caroline put one hand on her hip and squinted at me. “Are you listening to anything I’m saying?”
“Hardly anything,” I said. I’d agreed to come out with her; I never said anything about pretending to enjoy it.
I was surprised when she cackled. “I love your honesty. I just wish you’d tell me more about why you’re moping so much.”