I didn’t think Tamara had been with many guys other than me, she was too twitchy about me getting her alone, but I figured she’d been with one or two. The way she’d been… just the thought of it made my mouth water. No girl could be like that the first time around. She’d barely flinched as I—
But now I was thinking about Lucas, who didn’t exactly talk about his experiences, but didn’t leave a lot to the imagination either. He would keep throwing out these comments—away from where Callie could hear of course—about how some girls were just naturals and didn’t need anyone to teach them. I got what he was saying pretty well.
I’d heard all that and never stopped to think that Tamara might be a virgin too. It was just too hard to imagine, at our age. You wanted to scratch that itch so bad you would jump at it at least once, with anyone who wanted you. It was only after the first couple times you started realising some people were trouble.
Well, I was trouble, never even tried to hide it, and she’d been happy enough to go with me hadn’t she? And she hated parties, so she probably didn’t see a bit of drunken arse-grabbing as normal.
“Come with me.” I took her hand and led her off to where my car was parked. The other guys were laughing behind me as we left but they didn’t have any reason to ask questions.
Once I got Tamara over there and around the side of the car that faced the fence, blocked from the view of anyone who wasn’t obviously trying to pry, I grabbed her arms and pushed her hard against the side of the car. I could tell from the way her eyes widened and she tried to hide a quick glance down she had misinterpreted what we were here for in the same way the other guys were misinterpreting.
Well… now I wanted that too. Had to stay focused.
“Tamara, this might be weird, but… are you a virgin? I mean were you, before…”
The way her eyes shifted answered before she could say the words.
“And you never said anything? You just let me…” I couldn’t make sense of why this was bothering me so much. It felt like I’d done something wrong and she’d led me into it rather than stopping me.
She squirmed. “Is it really any of your business? Whatever experience I do or don’t have, that part of my personal life is… well, it’s mine.”
“This is something I had a right to know.” But I still couldn’t explain why, and that was just making me even more pissed off.
Then I thought of a detail that really was disturbing. I was still holding her, so I tightened my grip, moved in closer. Kept her from wriggling away. “So if you hadn’t been with anyone before me… were you really on birth control?”
“I was going to go to the pharmacy this afternoon and get something,” she blurted out. “You know, to stop pregnancy.”
For the first time I was understanding what ‘seeing red’ was all about. It was like the world was fading in front of me. What the fuck?
“Were you really?” I pushed off against her and stepped back. “Or is this just something you’re telling me now to cover your arse?”
“Steven, are you kidding? Do you really think I would want to—”
“I don’t know what I think,” I said. “Except that you’re a fucking shifty bitch, and I want you to stay the hell away from me.”
Her eyes started to sparkle then, like she was actually hurt, but I wasn’t going to trust in that. A girl who had something to hide from the world knew how to cry on command. How to make it feel like she was the one who’d really been wronged.
I had to get control over this fast. Couldn’t let her think six steps ahead.
“I’m going to take you out after school,” I told her. “Get you whatever you need.”
Her fists punched into her hips. “Because you don’t trust me to do it, you mean.”
“I thought we went over that already.” No way was I letting any kid of mine be born to someone who was capable of ruining their life.
“No thank you,” Tamara said. “I’ve got this covered by myself.”
I had hold of her wrist before I realised what I was doing. “Tamara, I am absolutely making sure you get this done.”
She wrenched away from me with strength that surprised me. “Is that why your former girlfriend had to get the restraining order put on you, Steven? Did you cross the line, start pushing her around in a way that wasn’t fun any more? Is that what you’ve always had in mind for me?”
At first I didn’t believe she was really saying it. It was just my stupid fucked-up brain making me hear the last thing I ever wanted to hear.
Then it sank in. “You—the fuck?”
“You heard me.” The little bitch was really enjoying having surprised me, too. “I have my ways of finding out that you’ve been less than honest with me all along. And, you know what, I would think that a prior history of abusing partners would be something you’d reveal to your next partner before you got them in bed.” She grimaced. “On the floor of the holiday house of someone who isn’t even your friend. Whatever.”
There were a lot of questions in my head. A lot of points I wanted to make.