I threw my bag in a bush growing against a fence lining the alley. It disappeared almost completely in the foliage—and if I couldn’t get it back later, it wasn’t like I cared about all that school shit that much.
I started to run. I was making my own wind, dragging the rage and confusion and the need to control away. This was one game I couldn’t play until I got it right. Whatever result was coming, I would just have to let it come.
Chapter Twenty-Four: Tamara
Brad’s car was a big 4WD I had to practically fling myself into the front passenger seat of. I didn’t think I knew anyone else who had a car that looked that expensive. Mike had a third-hand car that was breaking down all the time. I was glad I hadn’t been able to meet Brad at our house. I didn’t know what he’d think about the way we lived. I didn’t take him to be the sort of person who judged, but maybe it would upset or embarrass him to see how shabby everything I’d grown up with was when he could have offered so much more.
Then I got myself settled in the seat and met a pair of dark eyes in the rear view mirror, staring out from under a low dark fringe.
Jess didn’t look like me as far as I could tell. She must have taken after her mother. I wondered what her mother even thought about the two of us meeting that day. Did she know? Jess should have been in school, same as me.
None of that mattered. This was my sister, and this might be my best chance to convince her we should have a relationship.
“Hi, Jess? It’s nice to meet you. Your dad’s told me a lot of great things about you.”
Her eyes moved a little, but she didn’t say anything I could hear.
“Jess?” Brad prompted. She flinched, and came to life.
“Hi, Tamara. It’s nice to meet you.”
Brad was starting the car. Apparently it was up to me to figure out a way to talk to her, now.
“Um… I know this is weird. And you probably had no idea I existed until recently… but I had no idea you existed either, so I’m feeling just as confused and awkward as you are. And I want you to know that I’m not any threat to you and your mum, if that’s what you’re worried about. I’m not here to take your place or anything. I just want to see if there’s some way I can fit into your lives… so we can be family.”
“Okay,” Jess said.
It didn’t sound encouraging, but it didn’t sound res
entful, either. I would have to accept it.
I thought Jess was still staring at me as Brad got us onto the road, but she didn’t say anything else, and I was never good at getting people I’d just met into conversation. I hugged my schoolbag to my lap and tried not to be obviously watching her in the mirror above my head.
“I thought the three of us might go up the highway a bit and find a nice little café in a small town,” Brad explained as we blew right past the city centre and I started looking behind me, left and right. “You won’t have to worry so much about running into someone you know.”
“Thank you.”
I knew Brad had his flaws, obviously, but it was hard for me to imagine how Mum had gotten in such a state with him that she’d done what she did. She must have come to him already broken—some other man must have done his number on her, and Brad was just paying for it. Well, Mike had taken on that debt now.
It made me wonder what that other man must have done to her, that it so completely wrecked her. I couldn’t even imagine something so horrible it would make you punish every man you were with after that.
But I’d already decided I didn’t want to make it my problem now. I’d been making Mum’s problems my problem for years, for my whole life, and that was fine if she was actually looking out for me… but she’d been looking out for herself over me this whole time. I couldn’t just go back and live with her. I was going to have to ask Brad for help… even if that just meant he loaned me some money while I tried to get established on my own. I would have to find the right time to talk to him… maybe if we had a moment without Jess. It was still early days for our relationship; I didn’t want her to think I was just trying to get close to her dad so I could get money out of him.
“I need to use a toilet,” Jess announced as all the landmarks I was somewhat familiar with disappeared behind us.
Brad sighed. “We’ll turn around.”
Watching Jess run off towards a public toilet block at the edge of a park, I tried to work out if this was an opportunity, or if I was just about to make a terrible mistake.
“How’s everything at home?” Brad asked, staring out at the doorway Jess had disappeared through.
“Not good,” I admitted. “I thought Mum might not even let me get out to school today. She got wind of my maybe having plans to meet you. If she knew I was skipping now…” I shook my head.
“She heard?” Brad’s hands tightened on his steering wheel. He’d hardly taken them off since stopping. He was clearly pretty keen to get well out of town, but of course I didn’t blame him for that.
“I didn’t want her to but she did some snooping, found out I’d been looking up about you. She completely went off.” I shot him a cautious look. “She did completely blow the truth that you never did anything though, so there’s that.”
Brad was gripping his steering wheel for dear life now. “Didn’t expect that.”