The Sexpert

And there, all neatly lined up on her built-in shelves that used to hold shoes, are the sex toys I demonstrate for the videos.

“We have to keep up with the videos, Eden. We have to. This is our big break. If we slow down now we could lose all of it. And this is important. We will not get paid for two months, OK? There’s a payment delay with this kind of work. So I’ve got six new topics and we’re gonna do them all right now before you leave. And then every time our numbers start to dip, I’ll upload a new one. We get such a boost when we put out a new one, ya know? The monthly schedule was a good start but you’ve seen how much more we could make if we just up our game.”

“Jesus,” I say. “Six videos? Tonight?”

“Not all tonight,” she amends. “Just three? Maybe?”

“I have so much going on at work right now, Zoey, I don’t think I have time to—”

“We have to,” she says, her face serious now. “We have to, Eden. This is too good. We must make the most of it. Our lives are about to change and… and… I’m so tired of worrying about money, ya know? About how I’m going to take care of Stevie. And I hate this stupid apartment. I need something bigger. Something that’s kid-friendly. A place with a playground or something. I can’t raise my son in a Tech Center one-bedroom. There are no kids around here, either. This neighborhood is for single people. I need more for him. It was my decision to have him and now I have to provide the best life I can. This isn’t what he deserves.”

“Hmmm.” I pout. Because I get it. If I had a baby I’d want the best for him too. Her apartment is cute as fuck. It’s not some run-down place at all. It’s only a one-bed one-bath, but it’s quite nice. And quite pricey.

“I want a house,” Zoey says, her voice suddenly sad. “I don’t need anything special, Eden. Just a two-bedroom rental with a back yard in a safe neighborhood. That’s all I want. And the Sexpert can provide this. I could move to Parker, or… or… Centennial. Somewhere quiet and green, and not a third-floor walk up.”

“Yeah,” I say. “I get it.”

“So I know it’s a lot of work for you. But…”

“Say no more.” I cut her off, walking over to pull her into a hug. “It’s no big. We’re gonna make this the best sex advice show on the freaking internet!”

So that’s what we do. It takes hours just to give the topics proper Sexpert names. And by the time we finish shooting the third video of the night, How to Whip Cream Her Fun Bags, it’s almost five in the morning.

By the time I get home it’s nearly six-thirty and I have just enough time to take a quick shower, get dressed, and walk over to one of the breakfast trucks to pick up a chocolate éclair and some crème brûlée coffee before heading into work to repurpose more Le Man articles that could topple our burgeoning little sex empire. (Making Sexpert videos always makes me crave sugar—I wonder why?)

I am so tired I sink into my desk chair and sigh, hoping against hope that Gretchen will be too busy to bug me today.

And that’s when I hear roaring laughter coming from another end of the large open cubicle area.

I stand up to look over the muted blue upholstered partition, trying to see what’s going on, when I hear… my voice.

Well, my Voice Lift voice.

They’re playing our newest Sexpert video, A Sprinkle of Nuts, in the break room. And yup, you guessed it. Pierce is in there watching it.

I slink back down into my chair and pull up my email, trying to ignore all the hubbub.

I have seven messages about employee benefits, book clubs, and upcoming birthdays. Two from Gretchen with ideas about hashtags she thinks are winners, but aren’t. And one… oh, what fresh hell is this? Emergency Team-Building Day Tomorrow.

Are they fucking with me right now? I have to give up a Saturday?

I reluctantly open it because every now and then we have these stupid things and they’ve always been mandatory.

And yup. There it is in bright red caps.

MANDATORY TEAM-BUILDING DAY AT THE TALLEST ROCK.

The Tallest Rock is, you guessed it, a rock climbing gym.

I’m pretty athletic. And I’m sure I could climb the hell out of a rock wall. But… but… didn’t Andrew say he was into rock climbing?

No, he wouldn’t come to our team building day. He’s not a Le Man family member.

But there’s a little part of me… this teeny, tiny part of me… that hopes he might be there.

I know it’s dangerous. I know seeing him could be the beginning of our Sexpert downfall.