The Sexpert

“I might need to move back home,” I say, sniffling like crazy.

“No, you won’t, pumpkin. You’ll figure it out. I know you will. Just take a few days and relax.”

“Should I keep being the Sexpert?” I ask, acutely aware that this conversation is weird. But hey, if he’s gonna be Mr. Understanding, I’m gonna get his advice.

“Do what makes you happy, Eden. If you do that, I’ll be happy too. Now, you wanna come over for dinner tomorrow? I’m making your favorite dessert.”

“Chocolate strawberry cake?” I ask.

“With whip cream filling and cherries on top.”

“I’ll be there.”

CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX – ANDREW

“Have you talked to her?” Pierce asks.

“You know I haven’t. She blocked me.”

“Blocked you?” He kinda laughs. “Lame.”

“I know. She’s being ridiculous.”

“Not her, you.”

“Me?”

“Yeah. Blocked you? What are you, fourteen? You can’t get around a call block?”

“I stop by her door and knock four times a day. She’s not there.”

“So go find her,” Pierce says, fucking with the TV remote.

I know where she might be. And I could go over there, but I don’t think Zoey liked me before, and now? Yeah.

Pierce is in my office today because I just stopped visiting him. Going anywhere, actually. So a couple days ago he started showing up here. Kinda took over and claimed one of the chairs that used to be in front of my desk as his new throne. He’s got it pushed it up against the window for effect or something. That’s where he’s sitting now.

I’m not pissed off at him, even though he thinks I am. I mean… I have no reason to be pissed off at him.

Pierce sighs and then points the remote at the TV. “There she is.”

Yup. There she is. In all her cupcake glory.

She and Zoey are on a local morning show trying to explain and come to terms with their newfound celebrity.

Those cameras Pierce had at the Big Reveal last week actually wound up getting a local goldmine of footage and that shit was on TV that night. Since then Eden and Zoey have been lying low, but at some point you gotta make a statement.

Sexpert is booming. Like last I looked they had five million subscribers.

Pierce is unusually calm about that.

I look at him, leaning forward in his new throne, elbows on knees, staring intently at the screen as the morning show introduces the Sexpert. Or Sexperts, since they are partners.

“Why do you torture yourself?” I ask him.

He reluctantly drags his eyes away from the TV. “What do you mean?”

“Watching them succeed? It’s gotta hurt. It was your idea and all.”

He shrugs and turns the volume up.

“So,” the morning host says. She’s blonde, young, and perky. “Eden and Zoey, what a difference a week makes! How are you handling your newfound success?”

“Well,” Zoey says, taking control. Eden just sits there and smiles, her perfect cupcakes well-hidden underneath a professional blazer. “We’re a very young company, but we’re making the most of it. We’ve gotten several job offers since—“

“Several?” Pierce snorts. “No wonder Eden hasn’t returned my calls.”

Now he knows her name, that’s for damn sure. “Why would she?”

Pierce looks at me, brows furrowed. “Why wouldn’t she?”

“Uh… because you went insane. And had her outed on camera.”

He points his finger at me. “I think that was you, mon petit chou.”

“What’s that mean?”

“Term of affection. Means, literally, my little cabbage.”

I love how I’m getting all the blame for this current shitstorm when all I was trying to do was be loyal. And honest.

I huff. I guess I should probably reconsider my values since loyalty and honesty don’t get you far.

“And then, you know”—Zoey is still talking—“I got pregnant and the father wasn’t involved, so we just… we needed a way to support ourselves. And yeah, we’ve seen a lot of nasty comments on the videos. Saying we’re exploiting Eden’s assets. But…” She pauses to shrug. “Hell, they’re hers to exploit if she wants. We’re not hurting anyone. So yeah.” She smiles. “We’re doing this.”

“And, Eden, how do you feel about it?”

She’s doing one of those teeth-clenched grins, staring right at the camera. She clears her throat and pushes her glasses up her nose, and God, I miss that. “I’m just… you know. Making things up for new videos. And looking forward to the future, of course.” She smiles uncomfortably again. “I mean, it’s been stressful because I’m running out of desserts to sexify—“ Everyone laughs.

Pierce huffs.

“—so that’s challenging. There aren’t as many phallic desserts as you might think,” she says, finding her rhythm. “I mean, aside from the cannoli and the éclair, how many long pastries can you squirt on camera? Am I right?” More laughing on screen.

I crack a smile. Just a little one.

“Well, there’s the ladyfinger,” the hostess says.

“Oh.” Eden points to her. “Good one, Jackie! Can I steal that?”

“Only if I can give you the tip to go with it!” Jackie exclaims, winking for the camera.