I looked away. Aria met my gaze, her eyes alight with joy then slowly she sobered. She reached for my hand and squeezed. I was glad she didn’t say anything. I stared at the painting on the wall, some kind of abstract art, because Aria’s expression tightened my chest. The doc kept blabbering about how things looked good. I tried to block her out but it was impossible.
I practically leaped off the examination table when she was done and got dressed, desperate to leave as soon as possible. When I left the changing area, the doc held out a string of photos. Ultrasound photos of the baby. I stared at them. Aria gingerly took them from the doc before she touched my arm and led me outside. We didn’t talk until we were in the elevator. “Do you want to have them?”
I shook my head. “You and Luca should have them.”
Aria slid them into her purse. “Are you still okay with Luca and me adopting the baby?”
“Of course,” I said. “That’s not it… I just want to pretend nothing changed, that I’m not pregnant, but days like today make that really hard.”
Aria gave me an understanding look. “Maybe try to make peace with it. See it as an exercise you need to get through. It won’t be long until it’ll be even harder to pretend you aren’t pregnant.”
“My belly’s still flat, hallelujah,” I muttered, trying to resort to my usual sarcasm that seemed out of reach so often recently.
“It’s not just your growing belly,” Aria said quietly as we approached the car with our bodyguards. “You’ll feel the baby eventually.”
I couldn’t imagine feeling something inside of me like that. Weren’t there women who didn’t realize they were pregnant until labor started and a baby plopped out of them? They couldn’t have felt the baby inside of them, so maybe I would be lucky too.
Matteo
I wiped blood off my knife while Luca leaned against the wall, watching me.
“While I appreciate your talents with your knife, you realize we’ll run out of MC assholes for you to torture to release some tension eventually. Maybe you should ask your wife for some yoga mantras. A few oms might help you relax.”
I slanted him a dark look. “Says the man who slaughtered an entire chapter to release tension. And stop reading shit into my actions. I always loved to torture.”
Luca’s phone rang and considering his softer expression, it could only be Aria. “That’s good. When’s the next appointment?”
I knew at once that they were talking about Gianna and the baby. Shoving my knife back into the holster at my chest, I approached my brother. He hung up.
“So what did your wife say?”
Luca narrowed his eyes at me. “Everything’s fine. The ultrasound showed a healthy baby.”
I gave a terse nod. “See, Gianna’s taking care of your kid.”
Luca didn’t say anything for a while. “It’s not our kid yet. It can still be yours.”
I considered that, becoming a dad, having responsibility for a small human being. Gianna and I loved staying up late and doing whatever we felt like. We loved traveling too—as much as me being a mobster allowed. I loved seeing the joy on Gianna’s face whenever she managed to wrangle a bit more freedom out of the mafia life. A kid would take away plenty of her freedom, even more so than mine.
“No, you and Aria should adopt it like we agreed.”
When I returned late in the afternoon, Gianna was browsing travel pictures on her laptop. She didn’t mention her examination, nor did I. Instead she pointed at a lush green forest and then white beaches and blue water. “Costa Rica.”
I kissed her and sank down beside her. “You want to play name a country?”
She rolled her eyes. “I want to flee the cold this winter. Why don’t we spend a few weeks in Costa Rica in November? New York is always so depressing in winter.”
“Can you fly?”
She frowned. “Of course.”
I gestured at her flat belly. “I mean because of the kid.”
“I know what you mean, but it’s not a problem.”
“Then we should fly to Costa Rica for a bit of adventure.”
Her entire face transformed. Relief and happiness shone in her eyes. This was the Gianna I wanted to keep seeing, and this Gianna needed her freedom.
Maybe for the first time since we’d agreed to giving Luca and Aria our child, I felt a sense of certainty and acceptance. Some people weren’t meant to be parents, and we were among them.
When I told Luca about our travel plans, expecting to be met with resistance, I was surprised when he nodded. “That’s actually a good plan. Maybe you’ll be more chilled afterward.”
I stifled a comment, but his words proved to be correct. Gianna and I really enjoyed the two weeks away from everything. The only thing that occasionally dimmed our joy was when people congratulated Gianna on her pregnancy. In her sixth month, the bump was now visible when Gianna wore only a bikini. Apart from that, this vacation was like all of our vacations before, except we couldn’t drink or dive, but Gianna was still fit and eager to do as many activities as possible.