In to Her

And yeah, don’t get me wrong. I’m so fucking grateful for what you did. I love this life but it’s not complete, OK? We need you in our bed. We need you.

But don’t worry, I’ve been saving your spot. Yvette and I went shopping online for some sex toys and we got a fat dildo. We named it Logan. You bring us both lots of pleasure, just FYI.

But for real, dude. It’s not the same. And I have news. Big news that I really want to tell you in person. I almost called you on the phone. Actually, I did call you. But you changed your fucking number. Not even an old voicemail to leave a message.

Which is so you, ya dick. You knew I’d try, didn’t you?

But see, that’s why you should be here. You know me better than anyone. And like I said, I have news.

Yvette is pregnant. She threw up this morning so we walked into town and bought a pregnancy test. She peed on that stick in the drugstore bathroom. I’m pretty sure the whole fucking town knows by now because Rosie, the cashier, lives to gossip. You gotta meet Rosie. And her husband, Loco. I don’t know his real name, but everyone calls him Loco. They’ve tried to explain the story to me like seven times but the only words I understand are ‘robar’ and ‘zapatos.’ So I think someone tried to steal his shoes and he went loco? Maybe?

See, if you were here you could translate. Your Spanish was always better than mine.

Plus, you deserve all the props for that plan. Such a crazy plan. Hey, maybe you’re Loco? lol You’re gonna have to fight Loco One for the name, but don’t worry, you’ll win. He’s like four feet tall and fifty years old. Plus, I got your back.

I hope you know that. I will always have your back.

So just come, OK? Or call. Or hell, send me a postcard. Just say the word and I’ll come back and help you leave. I’ll kill Damon myself if I have to. Just… come back to us.

I don’t know why I’m writing this since we can’t send it. Yvette writes you every night. Every single night. She tells you what we did and she makes up a story about your day. But tonight I wanted to write because dude… we’re having a baby!

We’re having a fucking baby! And you need to be here for that. You need to be here to watch Yvette get chubby and round. And hold her hair when she pukes. And go to the doctor appointments with us to hear the heartbeat.

And be there for the birth.

You have to be here for the birth, OK?

Promise me you’ll be here.

OK. I guess that’s it for now. We’re writing all these letters in a journal so you can catch up once you do come. We haven’t forgotten you. We will never forget you so please, don’t forget about us.

I will always be here for you. All you gotta do is let me know you need me and I’m there. I will drop everything to come help you.

Please… let me have your back the way you had mine.

Love you, man.

For real. We love you.

AJ and Yvette

Chapter Forty-One – YVETTE

Dear Logan,

I told you the baby was gonna be huge! I told you! Almost ten pounds! He’s perfect, by the way. And he has your eyes. I just knew immediately those were your eyes because when I looked into them I saw you. I saw so much of you.

I really thought you’d be here for the birth but I understand why you couldn’t come. It makes me sad. But don’t worry, every time I feel sad because you’re not here I just remind myself of what you gave up so AJ and I could start over.

It’s just not the same without you.

OK, enough sadness. I bet you want to hear all about the baby, right?

Well, we named him Lucas because it goes good with Logan. And we already showed him a picture of you that AJ had on his phone from ages ago.

I know new babies can’t smile, but I think he smiled when we showed him your picture. I think he knows you’re one of his daddies. But if not, we will make sure he understands. So that when you come home he’ll already know you.

His hair is dark and thick and his eyes are gray. Not blue, Logan. Gray.

He’s yours, we know he’s yours. We had the DNA test done by mail and just got the results today, that’s why I didn’t write you as soon as he was born. Sorry about that. I was tired, too. I’m sure you understand.

But don’t worry. I have lots of help. AJ is fantastic. He’s been getting up with me to feed. Every three hours. Crazy, right?