Payback

My mind is churning and I’m sweating like a fool. If I’m pregnant, I am a fool. “I don’t know.”

She sets her own mug down on the table, and then takes me by the hand and leads me into her bathroom. She pulls a box of tests out from underneath the sink. “Pop a squat, girlfriend. We are figuring this out right now.”

I do what I’m told, and she runs out to the kitchen to get me a plastic cup. I do my business while she waits in the hall, and when I tell her I’m ready, she comes in and dips the test stick inside of the cup. We stand in anticipation while she grips my hands, and I know I’m shaking. I can’t be. It was only a few times. Unless… But I tried to shake Jett’s image from my head. It couldn’t be his, could it?

And that’s when I see it. Two little pink lines.

I’m pregnant, and I don’t even know who the father is.

6

Cami

We’re sitting at the kitchen table eating take-out when I realize at some point I have to tell Ty. He deserves to know, even if he isn’t the father, though I don’t see how I can tell him that. How can I admit to him that I saw Jett? That I had a one night stand with my ex while Ty and I were still just roommates? It’s not like we were together. I didn’t cheat on either of them.

I don’t cheat. I follow the rules.

And yet somehow, I’m still sitting here wondering how I’m going to tell Ty that I’m pregnant. We’re barely scraping by as it is while he’s been between jobs, and I’m a waitress! That’s no life for a child. But I also refuse to make this child face my consequences. I had sex, and now I’m pregnant, and that’s just the way it’s going to be. Though I’m still so afraid of how Ty will react, of what he’ll say.

He’s pulling the last of his Chinese out of the box when I finally gather the courage to speak. “How was work today?” My hands are sweaty, so I wipe them on my jeans. Jeans that pretty soon won’t fit me anymore.

He shrugs. “At least I’m not laid off. Though that place is a real hellhole, Cami. I tell you, I’m going find something better.”

He always says that. And he never does. “I’m sure you are. Do you get health insurance at your job?”

I’ve already done some research and I can get free health insurance through the state but if his is better, it’ll be good for the baby.

He sets his chopsticks down, “Yeah I think so, why? Are you sick?”

I take a deep breath and push the box of Chinese food away from me. “Not exactly, but there’s s

omething that we do need to talk about, Ty.”

“What?”

I don’t know how to say it so I do it like you rip off a Band-Aid. “I’m pregnant.”

Ty’s mouth drops open. “And you want health insurance for an abortion?”

“No!”

“Why the hell not? I’m no father figure. And you? You hardly work!”

“Because I want this baby. And there’s no discussing that. And working at a diner is good honest work, Ty! At least I have a consistent job. And I’m going to school. I’m doing something with my life—what the hell are you doing? Drinking at the bar with your buddies and pretending like something’s going to change? It’s never going to change, Ty. Wake up!”

I push back from the table and stomp off to my bedroom, slamming the door behind me. His initial reaction was that I was going to have an abortion. That was totally, completely unfair. Not like he wants any type of extra responsibility—I should have known. I’m so stupid. And I’m stuck.

Stuck in this relationship, stuck in the city, stuck missing Jett, and carrying a baby.

7

Cami

The months fly by, and before I know it, I can no longer see my feet. This huge belly has made me unattractive to him, and he makes a point to tell me every chance he gets. Our tenuous relationship has now completely fallen apart. At first, he said he would marry me and that we would raise our baby together, but then, as I got bigger, his worries got larger. We hardly even speak anymore. Ty and I are practically roommates once again, the way we should have stayed. I can’t believe I let this happen. Some moments, I can’t believe I left home at all.

At sixteen weeks, we find out that the baby is a girl. That's what started the alienation between us. He really wanted a boy. Of course, it doesn’t help that the baby isn’t his. I did the math, but luckily, he hasn’t. This baby is Jett’s for sure, although I think I have Ty convinced it’s his. He used to get so drunk that he honestly couldn’t remember if we’d had sex or not. I don't care as long as the baby is healthy, and each passing day brings me closer to meeting this miracle residing within.

I wake up early on this rather cool May morning with a pain I’ve never felt before. I reach over, but his side of the bed is cold, so I drive myself to the hospital. His phone is going straight to voicemail and he isn't answering my texts. Frustrated and alone, I call his office and am told he hasn't been in for the past two days. The pain of labor preoccupies me, and Maia has come to stay with me. After eight intense hours of tears and pain, I’m staring into the face of my perfect baby girl.