Payback

“She’s forbidden me from the club because she says she smelled women's perfume on me.”

“And yet, here you are.”

“Ah yes, here I am. I love her, but we fight a lot. We just have different values, I guess. She doesn’t understand the brotherhood here. She never will. And man, I don’t think rum and coke will either. She seems like a good chick. Not the club type.”

Cami is good. She’s everything innocent and sweet about the world. The world I miss creating with her.

14

Cami

A bike roars outside, and even though I haven't laid eyes on the rider, I know it’s Julie getting dropped off.

“Well?” I say, annoyed by her lack of calling.

“Well, thanks for bringing my car back. Didn’t you have so much fun last night? I did. That was Grime, can you believe that’s what they call him? Grime. These club guys are so weird, but kinky as hell. He was so good in bed.”

“Uh huh, and what about just leaving me? I had to fend off some guy.” That’s a lie; I was trying to protect my heart from a man I used to love, but it still played well into my evening.

“Oh, you were fine! Besides, wasn’t that Jett Stewart, like from high school? You loved him back then. God, you should have slept with him. He’s so hot now.”

Annoyed, I walk back into the house. Julie spends most of the day sleeping and watching TV with Ella; occasionally, she reads her a story or plays a game. But in the evening, good clean fun Julie is gone, and the typical party girl is here to stay. I have no interest in this side of her. I never have. Partying with Julie was a mistake, one I won’t make again. Around nine, I lay down with Ella and fall asleep, waiting for Ty to come to bed.

I wake to giggling coming from the living room the next morning. I sneak around the corner expecting to find them talking again, only to find Julie and Ty all cozy in the recliner. She's sitting there on his lap, and he's got his face buried into her neck. My blood begins to boil as he removes her tank top and kisses her deeply. I can feel the bile rising in the back of my throat and run down the hallway, barely making it to the bathroom. After my nausea fades, I stare at myself in the mirror as anger takes over completely.

Always there in the back of my mind is the memory of that night. We had argued and verbally fought with each other many times, but the first time he hit me, I thought my soul would break in two.

The backhand across my face not only hurt me physically, but mentally as well. I'd cried like a baby, blubbering and sniveling into my pillow for hours on end until I'd finally fallen into a sorrowful sleep. Ty had carried me to bed and watched over me for the remainder of the night. When I woke up, my face was sore and swollen. He had made me breakfast and acted as though nothing had happened.

“Ella, go sit on Mama’s bed, I'll be there in just a minute,” I whisper. Drawing in several breaths, I walk back into the living room loudly. Julie jumps up, covering her exposed breasts. “I'm sorry, Cam. I don't know what I was thinking,” she says.

As she takes a step closer to me, I shake my head. “Get your stuff and get the hell out,

” I hiss. Locking eyes with Ty, I scream, “You had me fooled, you really did!” I stand there fighting the anger and tears that are now taking over. He stands there, clearly angry but not speaking. I turn and go to our bedroom, locking the door, and grab my suitcase.

“Mama, what's wrong?” Ella asks, running to me. Tears are streaming down my face as I start slinging clothes into it.

“Sweetheart, we’re leaving, ok? I need you to sit behind the bathroom door for a little while so I can get some things together. Can you do that for me?” I ask, kissing her now damp cheek. She nods and goes into the bathroom, shutting the door. I bend over to pick up some socks that had fallen, and the light glints off my pendant that Ty gave me. I grab it and rip it off, throwing into the corner.

A knock on the door brings me back to reality. It’s Ty, wanting to come in. “Cami, let me in so we can talk,” he says.

“I don't want to talk to you,” I reply between sobs.

“Cami, damn it, I'm sorry… I'm stupid,” he says angrily.

“I don't care how sorry you are, I am done. You have crossed a fucking line,” I snarl. He pounds on the door, and I can hear the stream of obscenities coming from him as he kicks at the door. Ella is whimpering from the bathroom, and that makes my skin crawl. After a couple more kicks, he goes out to his truck seething and slams on the gas once he's in it, backing up haphazardly, knocking over the trashcans. I run down the hallway and grab my coat, phone, and some things for Ella. I'm in the kitchen when Julie comes in with a bag in her hand.

“Cam,” she says softly. I know she’s sorry, or her version of sorry, at least. But I can’t do this shit anymore. Not when I know what’s out there, what I could have. I want more.

“Lock up when you leave. And never come back.”

Loading everything I can into my car, I jump in and crank it up. I go back in the house to grab the last load and Ella. I quickly buckle her in and shift into reverse. I don't know where I'm going, I just have to go. Calling a couple hotels on the way, my frustration turns to hurt. I’m just driving around looking for one with a vacancy, as everything replays in my head, making my chest hurt. Deep down, I knew he’d cheated before, but I had never caught him and never had any hard proof.

I drive until I can't drive anymore, and just a few hours outside of town, I find a vacancy. After fifteen minutes, I gather myself and check into my room. The old, ratty curtains aren't much, and the faded floral bedspread looks ancient, but it's clean and I'm away from Ty. I bring in Ella and my suitcase, plopping it down on the bed, and exhaustion takes over.

I pull Ella to me and hold her close. When I wake up, the room is dark, the only light coming from the dim hotel sign. I reach over and grab my phone, seeing I have about twenty missed calls, all of them Ty. Ella is still sleeping, so I ease into the bathroom and look at my reflection; the streaks of black mascara running down my cheeks flip something within me. In my life, I've never felt so vulnerable and weak, even after Tommy’s death. Then I felt helpless, but not this time. I will change fate, I have to. I jump in the shower and the warm water runs down me, drowning every emotion I feel. For the first time, I'm numb. I get out and dress quickly, being careful not to wake Ella. I crawl back in bed beside her and snuggle up to her.

The morning sun creeps through the old, worn curtains, and I roll over and tuck the blanket snugly around Ella. I turn on my phone and search for my Aunt Suzanne’s number. She lives in Nashville now, in a quiet suburb outside the city. A nice place to stay, to be safe. We drive for hours, but when we finally arrive, I’m happy to see Suzanne in the driveway with a smile on her face. She has a kind look to her. She’s wiping her hands on her apron, just like I remember when I was a child.