Now the dean knows and I am prepared for whatever he has to say. In the elevator I thought of it. I could take a leave of absence, or abstain after this semester and say the business just needs more of my attention. I would not let this drag on and implicate Madeline in any way. I care too much about her, I want to take care of her. I have this inclination to just be there for her, even after this short time.
“I need to see the Dean please.” The secretary or assistant or something was a young student, staring at me blankly before she found herself.
“Mr. Mare is in a meeting right now.” I caught what she was saying after multiple stutters.
“I just got off the phone with him, can you check?” I pressed. She glanced at the door and I realized then she didn’t want to ask him. Not because she was stubborn or anything but because she was afraid.
I smiled softly and nodded. “It’s fine.” I headed straight to the door to knock and she uttered a small protest.
“What.” He called out.
I frowned and entered.
“You asked to see me.” I shut the door behind me and walked over to his desk.
“Yes, sit down.”
I tried to read his face but there was nothing. He was a hard guy, from down south if I remember correctly. His hair is graying but he is big and burly, everyone talks about what a football star he was back in his day. Nonetheless he could probably crush me if he wanted, that’s why it was so hard to tell what he was thinking. Was I fired? Were the police hiding? Surely, they assumed the student was underaged.
I sat down and tried to think of what to say. Should I say something first? Defend myself? Or maybe it would make me just sound guilty. But I held my own, and just sat there with my best poker face.
“I had to talk to you about something and I wasn’t sure how to approach it.”
I knew it. I had to get ahead of it.
“Look, sir. Whatever you heard isn’t true, necessarily.”
“Well, that’s good since I was thinking something entirely different.”
I wanted to tell him we cared about each other, and it wasn’t just me crossing the lines to sleep with a student. It was obvious by the
expression on his face that he heard the rumors before. I had to set him straight somehow but in a good way.
“Will the student be implicated?”
I asked him. I didn’t want Madeline to be involved. If it meant keeping everything quiet, I would just quit.
“Your current students?” He inquired. I sat back, sort of frozen. Had I misunderstood in some way or was he messing with me?
“Um, maybe we aren’t on the same page.” I swallowed, smoothing out the fabric of my pants. I was so worried about Madeline getting involved I was willing to do anything to protect her. It was apparent then that my feelings for her run deep.
“I suppose not, Moyer. What did you think I was asking you about?”
Jake was the one who was good at lying, not me. I racked my brain for anything.
“The change in how final grades are weighted. I assumed I…had done something wrong. I’m more of a business guy and not a grader.” I chuckled.
He cracked a smile and stood up.
“No, that isn’t it. I want to ask you to teach a class in the fall. You can think about it, of course. I know you only agreed under special circumstances.”
I shifted in my seat as I exhaled. My whole body relaxed, he didn’t know about Madeline.
“I would have to think about it, yeah.” I finally said.
And he was right. I didn’t plan on doing another semester. It was hard enough already, maybe it was just because of Madeline. Although I do love teaching.
“Of course, of course. That’s all I wanted to talk to you about. Wanted to do it in person.”