“What do you want from me?” I refused to turn around again.
“I want to use you for my own gain.”
I stopped and grimaced. “You’re not supposed to admit that, you know.”
“What’s it matter? You’re using Calvin, he’s using you. We’re all using each other.”
“Is that how relationships work in this place?”
“You don’t have a relationship with Calvin, or with me.”
I stopped and whirled around. “I don’t want one.”
He smiled, shrugged. “That settles that. I want to use you. Why do you care if I say it out loud?”
“I want to know what you get out of all this.”
He ran a hand through his hair. “I suppose I get power.”
“You suppose. How do you even know Calvin, anyway?”
“I’m the gardener’s son.”
“You’re kidding me.”
“I’m not. I met Calvin when I was a little boy. We grew up together.”
“Is your father still around?”
“He’s outside right now trimming the rosebushes. Do you want to go meet him?”
I shook my head. “I’ve met enough fathers for one day.” I turned and started walking again, looking for a staircase down. I wanted to get out of this building and get some fresh air.
“What did you think of Calvin’s father?”
“He’s an asshole.”
Matthias laughed. “That’s about right.”
“I don’t get why you’d want to hang around this place and work for Calvin.”
“Don’t you? Look around. I’m the gardener’s son. Do you think I’d ever be in a place like this otherwise?”
“Doesn’t seem so great to me.” I swatted at a fake plant and jabbed a finger into a vase that was probably worth a fortune. “All this crap and nobody to look at it.”
“Ah, true, but Calvin rarely ever comes here.”
“Do you live at Blackwoods?”
“No, he keeps me away from there. He prefers his little friend group. The Four Horsemen. He hates that name.”
“I can’t blame him. It’s a dumb name.”
“I like the others, you know. Jarrod. Des. Especially Addler. He’s a good one.”
“I’m glad you approve.”
I found stairs and took them down. Matthias didn’t let up.
“I wish he’d let them into his life more. Wouldn’t this be so much better with them around?”
I reached the bottom and glared at him. “Will you leave me alone?”
“I can’t do that. I’m just making conversation.”
“Go make it somewhere else. I’m going for a walk outside.”
“I wouldn’t do that.”
“Yeah, well, I bet you wouldn’t marry Calvin, either.”
He chuckled and shook his head. “I wouldn’t be so sure.” His eyes sparkled.
I turned away, walking again. I didn’t need to engage with him right now. He was messing with me, trying to distract me from my goal. I didn’t know why he wanted me to stay indoors, and I didn’t care. All I wanted was the wind on my face and the grass beneath my feet, even if it was cold out.
I found a side passage, and at the far end was a door with a heavy handle. I pulled, then yanked, and it creaked open. Exterior air buffeted my face as I stepped into the slanted late-afternoon sunlight. I was somewhere in the bushes on the side of the house, and Matthias followed me out, but stopped short on the threshold.
I went toward the woods at the far side of the lawn.
“Be careful,” he called out.
“You’re not going to follow me?”
“I’m under strict orders to stay indoors. Besides, you’re a big girl. You can make your own stupid mistakes.”
“You’re going to go tell Calvin what I’m doing, aren’t you?”
“I’d guess you have ten minutes before he comes looking.” Matthias waved and disappeared back indoors.
I glared at the closing door, but refused to turn back. That bastard. I had a short window of peace, quiet, and silence, and I was going to take it.
I marched to the woods. Trees creaked. Leaves rustled. Birds chirruped. I could scream at it all. I could burn it to the ground.
All my life I’d been hurt. Over and over, hurt by my father, hurt by my mother.
Hurt by those two bastards, Raymond and Noah.
Now I have a chance to hurt them back.
And all I have to do is marry Calvin.
The man that wants to hurt me most of all.
But his hurt comes with strings, and all those strings are complicated.
Pleasure and pain. Even at my lowest, I can still feel good.
Calvin’s like that. He drags me down, down, down, and then he brings me higher than I ever thought possible.
I stepped over a downed tree and scrambled into a small clearing. The canopy thinned above, letting more light filter down. Leaves fluttered across the ground. The bare, skeletal branches reached up to the clear sky.
I heard a crunch. Then a crack. I hesitated, not looking back, not yet.
I knew it’d be him.
“Matthias said I had more time. I guess he found you right away.”
The footsteps got closer. I expected his voice and his touch at any moment.
Instead, I heard something else.