“Mom, I’m so mad at you.” The tears rolled down my cheeks. Today was a fucking awful day. “And I love you. I hate that Dad did all this to us, but he’s never coming back. He’s never, ever coming home, do you hear me?”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do.” I reached out and took her hands. “You have to move on. I’m not ready to forgive you, but I’m willing to try. I love you, but you have to let go of Dad. He can’t hurt us anymore. He never will again.”
She cried in earnest then. I cried too, unable to help myself. Years and years of abuse, self-hatred, and horrors spilled out between us, and we let all the tears fall that should’ve fallen a thousand times over. Our house was a nightmare and a tomb for so long, but it was over, it was finally over.
When we regained ourselves, I hugged her. I hadn’t lied when I said I wasn’t ready to forgive her, but I was getting there.
I wanted my mom back so badly.
Mom wiped her tears as the kettle screamed. She poured two mugs of chamomile. “I guess I shouldn’t ask about the boy troubles. They seem small at this point.”
“You can ask if you want. You are my mom, after all.”
She suppressed a smile. “Calvin Solar, right? He’s the one that gave you the ring.” She put the mugs down and sat again. “I remember I said something to you about him. Something I shouldn’t have.”
“That all boys are awful and not worth it.”
She let out a long sigh and blew on her tea. “I might’ve been out of line.”
“I can understand where it came from.”
“The truth is, honey, I got unlucky and married a monster, but most people don’t go through that. If you like him, you should be with him.”
“Really?” I laughed and turned my mug in little circles. “I didn’t expect you to say that.”
“I mean it. I was wrong to say you shouldn’t be with him if it makes you happy.”
I touched the ring. I still hadn’t taken it off. “We got in an argument and I’m pretty sure I was wrong.”
She smiled. “That stinks. What are you going to do about it?”
“I don’t know.”
“Go talk to him. Work it out.”
I hesitated, but glanced toward the door. “You’ll be okay?”
“Sweetie, I’m better than I have been in a long time. Go ahead. Talk to him. I’ll be here when you get home.”
I stood. She was right. I was a dick to Calvin earlier and I wanted to make up for it. I hated that I left things that way, and he deserved more.
An apology, an explanation. Something more than my callousness.
I drove to his cottage. I didn’t know if he’d be home, but I didn’t want to call first. This was something I had to do in person.
His car was out front. The lights were on. I parked and went to the door. I knocked and waited, stomach churning.
What did I want?
I didn’t know the answer until he opened up and smiled.
That. Right there. Calvin’s grin, his face, his lips, his hands. I wanted him, needed him. I was angry earlier because I felt as though he was tossing me aside. He was ending our arrangement, and it broke my heart.
But it didn’t have to be that way.
I opened my mouth to speak—
Then looked over his shoulder.
Boxes were all over the floor. His things were stacked inside. The walls were barren.
I looked back at him, going pale. “Calvin?” I asked. “You’re packing?”
I took a step back, because of course he was leaving, of course.
28
Calvin
Her face went ashen white and I thought she might turn to bolt.
I grabbed her before she could run. I pulled her wrist and dragged her inside, slamming the door shut. She struggled, but weakly, like she didn’t really want to but felt like she had to put up some fight.
I loved this woman more than life itself.
I pushed her against the wall. “Take a breath and listen.”
“I knew you’d run away. That’s your whole thing, isn’t it? Suck me in, give me a ring, marry me, sleep with me, make me feel things—”
“Robyn.” My voice was sharp enough to make her stop. She chewed on her lip. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Her eyes strayed to the boxes. “But you’re packing.”
“I’m not leaving Blackwoods. Why the hell would I do that, when I just sacrificed my future so that I could stay?”
I felt her relax. My words found their mark, and I released my grip. She rubbed her wrist, looking at me tentatively, uncertain.
“So why are you packing?”
“I need a new start. I’m going to stay with Des and Addler for a few days until I find a new place.”
“But this cottage is perfect.”
“It’s everything I used to be.” I walked over to the boxes and kicked one. “Remote. Quiet. Dark. I want to be a part of the action this last year.”