Big Dicker (Harem Station 3)

I know he was a bad dude. I get it. He’s probably the whole reason all this shit is happening to us. But fuck it. I miss that asshole. I miss him pretty bad. And I wish he was here to yell at me and tell me how much money I just lost. What a fuckup I am, and how I don’t deserve his protection or my share in the whole Harem Station enterprise.

I’d give almost anything to hear that bullshit.

“They’re here,” Xyla says. Dicker shudders as the Mighty Minions shuttle locks in to the docking bay.

“Come on, then,” I say. “Better greet them properly.”

I slap Delphi on the leg, then stand her up. The three of us walk to the airlock, joining Ladybug, and watch through the window as the intermediate space pressurizes, Mighty Minions soldiers holding weapons visible on the other side.

“Get in line,” I bark to the boys. “And don’t say a fucking word.” I point my finger at them, especially Delphi’s boy and that asshole one.

Then I look down at myself, realize I’m still wearing that crazy black and red Akeelian/Cygnian breeding uniform, and rip the suit coat open, take it off, and stand shirtless.

Fuck that. I refuse to greet the Mighty Minions warship commander looking like a freak.

When the airlock is fully pressurized, I stab the screen lock and open the doors. About half a dozen fierce-looking soldiers wearing full armor storm through, surround us, pointing their guns.

Then they stand aside, forming a little tunnel of bodies, and holy fucking shit.

Mighty Boss himself exits the shuttle and stands before me.

I hear the boys gasp off to the side, but they don’t say anything. I think maybe they’re too scared. Because honestly, I have to admit, this dude in person, dressed up like a sun-fucked ancient space warrior in red and black, is pretty goddamned terrifying.

He stands there, saying nothing. Staring at me.

I stare back. Refusing to be the first to speak.

He finally says, “I am the collective AI for Mighty Minions station and you are Jimmy Yates of Harem Station.”

I furrow my brows and frown. What is with this Yates name? If that’s my name, how come I’ve never heard it before? But there’s no time to fully internalize that, because there’s something even more disturbing in that statement. “Collective AI?” I say.

“You are under arrest.”

“How many of you are there?” I ask, needing an answer to this.

“Seventeen,” he says. “So I would advise you not to piss us off.”

“Seventeen fucking AIs run that place?”

“Where is the Palladium Rewards Bot X007?”

I look at Delphi, because he came with her and I have no clue.

“Hhh-e…” Delphi stutters. “He died when we got on board the Lair Station. I’m sorry.”

“Where are his remains?” Mighty Boss asks her, the voice somewhat softer.

“The orange sector, if I recall correctly.”

Mighty Boss nods his head at his team and they begin to retreat. “We will recover his body and then blow that station up before we leave. We don’t know what the fuck you people are up to, but it’s over now.”

“Wait!” Delphi’s boy yells.

I shoot him a look that says, Shut the fuck up.

But he doesn’t shut the fuck up. “There’s more kids on there. You can’t blow it up. Not yet. We have to get them out.” Then he looks at Delphi and says, “Not all of them are dead. Most of them we didn’t even see. And the ones who fell might only be injured.”

Delphi doesn’t say anything. We all just look to Mighty Boss for an answer. Because clearly that dude is the one in charge now.

“I can show you,” Delphi’s boy says. “I’ll take you guys in there.”

“I’ll go too,” asshole kid says.

“We’ll all go,” another one says.

But the little one walks over to Delphi and takes her hand. He looks up in to her eyes and says, “I’ll stay here with you, if that’s OK.”

“Very well,” Mighty Boss says. He points to the airlock and all the boys dutifully run through and disappear into the shuttle. Then he looks at me and says, “You’re under arrest. All of you. Let’s go.”

“My ship—” I say.

“Will be towed back to Mighty Minions.”

And with that, the interaction is over. Delphi, Xyla, Ladybug, and I board the already cramped shuttle, and we leave for the Mighty Minions warship.

Eventually we all end up in a pod with Luck and Cha-Cha. The Akeelian boys don’t return with us, just the little one who seems to be attached to Delphi now. But we watch on a screen as shuttles and shuttles of boys are carried back to the warship from the Lair Station.

“So many of them,” Delphi says. “Where did they all come from?”

“No clue,” I say.

But it’s not entirely true. I do know.

And then Luck says it out loud. “Wayward Station. They came from Wayward Station just like us.”