“I don’t want to make her mad at Dad. Not about that. She’d get really mad about that.”
Or mad…der.
Mad in a way it wasn’t about her liking Auggie.
Mad in a way that would just be bad.
“More to the point, have you talked to your dad about it?”
She hadn’t even thought of it.
“No.”
“Maybe you should tell him,” he suggested.
She wondered.
She didn’t like that he was always trying to make her eat broccoli (which she didn’t like cooked, because…yuck!) and telling her “When you’re at your mom’s…” what she should do (especially with eating).
And she didn’t like him always texting some lady or introducing Juno to one who’d be super (icky and fake) sweet, and then she’d be gone. Or worse, the ones that were cool, and then they were gone.
And she didn’t like when he’d do things even Juno could see were stupid, just to get a reaction from Mom.
But mostly, he was awesome.
He came to all her softball games and cheered her on, and not like some dads, who were super hyped up and in your face about it. He always said she did great, even if she just stood in center field like a dummy. And he never looked at a text or even at his phone when he was checking her homework. Her grandma and grandpa and aunt and uncle on his side weren’t strange, like her mom’s family were. They loved her loads and didn’t make faces at her when she wore shorts or pants. He called her Button, which was sweet. And he was a really good tickler. She tried to pretend she hated him tickling her, but he knew better, and he’d make her giggle so much, her stomach hurt when they had tickle matches.
It was just…his ladies.
And maybe she could just…talk to him.
“I’ll try that, Mr. Cisco.”
“Good. Now, Juno, I think maybe we should figure out how you can get that phone back to me, or maybe just get rid of it.”
“No!” she said, that word hard and so loud, she felt her eyes get big as she stared through the dark toward her door.
He didn’t say anything.
“I like…um, do you not want me bothering you anymore?” she asked.
“You are never, and can never be a bother,” he said in a way, it was like permanent marker on a white board.
And she suddenly realized she didn’t feel that grossness anymore.
“We’re going to have to figure something else out, though, Juno,” he said.
He was right.
“Okay,” she agreed easily.
There was something like surprise in his reply of, “Okay.”
“I gotta go to sleep now, Mr. Cisco.”
“All right, sweetheart. Sleep well.”
“Okay. You too. Thank you.”
“Anytime.”
“’Bye.”
“Good-bye, Juno.”
She hung up, got out of bed and hid the phone.
She got back into bed, pulled the covers up to her neck and stared at her door for a while.
Hopefully Mom was downstairs with Auggie and they were falling in love so Auggie could be around to help make dumplings and go be with her mom when her dad did something stupid that bothered her mom and her mom would have someone to hang around with after Juno went to sleep.
And she thought of this, and not any of that other stuff, until she was asleep.
So yeah.
The grossness was gone (if it wasn’t, she’d never be able to get to sleep!).
Thanks to Mr. Cisco.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Good-bye
Pepper
It was probably not a good idea.
But I went to the church early to meet Saffron.
I didn’t know why except that I’d had heavy energy all morning, anticipating seeing Mom and all the emotion that might come of that, and it felt better to take off to face it rather than sitting around and waiting for it to happen.
But also, as ridiculous as it was (because it wasn’t going to happen), I wondered if I’d run into one of my brothers or sisters.
No, I’ll repeat, as ridiculous as it was, I’d hoped I would.
I hadn’t fully faced that yet. The idea that I lived in a city where, not an hour from me, I had blood I’d never met and might not ever meet. How I could walk by one of them and never know they were part of my family. How I didn’t know their ages. Their names.
Nothing.
This was not in my control. I could do nothing about it. So I needed to do the work around letting it go.
But I knew that was going to take a lot, and I already had a lot to work through.
For Mom’s sake, I dressed appropriately, headed out, parked in the church lot and walked into the church.
There was no one in the outer vestibule, and after I went in, I found no one in the sanctuary.
This seemed to speak to me.
Churches should be alive. With people polishing things or praying, organizing hymn books or setting out flowers. Choirs practicing (the Tabernacle of the True Light didn’t have a choir, not even an organ, something else I’d never liked about attending church, there was no joy or exaltation in their worship, just lectures and pontificating). Wedding rehearsals happening.