Maybe there’s a reason it’s never worked out for us. It can’t be coincidence that we’ve lived together twice now and both times we can’t even manage to do more than share a bed without actually having sex. There has to be a reason that there’s so much misery around us. Hell, Mitch is gone now and still we’re pulling apart instead of growing closer. I could argue with Callie. I could tell her that she’s my biggest dream, but if I’m the only one fighting for it what’s the point?
Maybe she’s right and I need to put myself first. If I give up my dreams, will I regret it one day? What happens if we try to make it work, it doesn’t, and I’m left alone with not even the promise of my music anymore?
Shit, there’s too many unanswered questions.
I close my suitcase and the sound of it seems to echo with a finality that tears at my heart. It feels as if I can’t breathe. My chest is tight, and my heartbeat feels so damn heavy that it’s taking all of my energy. When I walk into the living room where Callie and Katie are sitting on the sofa, a happy Lennon on Katie’s knee… it only gets worse.
The urge to get down on my knees and beg her to believe in me—to believe in us—is so strong that it nearly chokes me. As I walk toward Callie, suitcase in hand she gets up and walks to me.
“Change my mind, Bluebird. Ask me to stay.”
“I can’t, Reed. I want you to, but I know this is right. I need to figure out who I am. I need to heal, and you need to show the world how amazing you are.”
“I don’t really give a fuck about the world, Callie. Just you.”
She goes up on the tips of her toes and she places her lips against mine. I kiss her gently. I feel her tongue bravely slide against my lips. I open my mouth and let my tongue search hers out, deepening the kiss. Even as I do it, I can feel her stiffen and grow tense. My last thread of hope breaks.
It’s over.
“I love you, Reed,” she whispers, tears falling down her face.
“I love you, too, Bluebird,” I respond.
“You give California hell. If you don’t, I’ll never forgive you,” she whispers and I do my best to smile, even though that’s the last thing I feel like doing.
“I’ll do it. Katie, you take care of her.” Katie nods.
“If you need me, Callie, or want me to come home, all you have to do is call. The ball is in your court, honey.”
She smiles, but I can see in her eyes that she has no plan on ever calling.
“I can’t let you give up everything, Reed. Not when I can’t promise you that someday I’ll be the woman you deserve.”
I want to tell her that she’s the only woman I will ever want. That I don’t feel worthy of her. I don’t say any of that because I know it won’t change her mind. I turn and walk away, joining Jeff in his and Katie’s van.
CHAPTER 39
Callie
I feel Katie’s arms go around me and until that moment, I didn’t realize I was crying. “Are you sure this is what you want, Callie?”
“No,” I whisper honestly. “It’s not what I want at all, Katie. But I can’t even handle him kissing me. I can’t let him give up everything for me when I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to open myself up to him like he deserves.”
“I understand.”
“His agent thinks he could have a million-dollar career or more. She’s got faith she can get him to the top and that’s more money than we could imagine. He can’t walk away from that. I can’t let him,” I tell her, trying to grasp at all the reasons that brought me to this horrendous decision.
Katie holds me and I let her take my weight as I cry, thankful Lennon is distracted by a cartoon on the television.
“You’re going to be okay, Callie,” she says trying to reassure me.
“I know,” I whisper. “It doesn’t feel like it right now, though.” I keep crying. I can’t stop. I’m saying goodbye to my dreams.
To my heart.
Epilogue
REED
Two Years Later
“Bluebird, spread your wings and fly.”
I belt out that last line to a filled stadium. Of course, it’s not my name on top of the ticket. I’m currently opening for the hottest act on country airwaves today. Still, as hot as Jensen Clark is, I’m the one with the biggest hit. I wrote Bluebird, a song about a woman I can’t touch—got to love irony—hoping it would be cathartic. I never expected it to soar up the charts and be the song that got me on the map. The crowd goes wild as the lights start flashing and changing colors. The band begins to play the music that signals a stage change and moment break. I hear some people yelling for an encore. That’s a fucking great feeling, but since it’s not my show, my part is over.