Jesse collapsed, and Luke turned him over onto his back. Jesse’s mouth was slack, and Luke straddled his body once more, bringing his cock to Jesse’s lips. Jesse’s tongue snaked out, his mouth covering the head, lips sucking firmly. Luke was hard as a rock and he wanted to fuck Jesse’s mouth, wanted to shove his cock deep into Jesse’s throat.
Instead he pulled back, his own hand quickly pumping his shaft. It was possible Jesse had never sucked anyone off and Luke didn’t want to go too far, too fast. He brought himself off quickly, head back, thighs gripping Jesse’s body beneath him. He rolled off onto his side to catch his breath, his legs entangled with Jesse’s.
“So,” Jesse said a few minutes later, “that’s what rimming feels like.”
“Yeah. Like it?”
Jesse’s head turned towards him. “Hell, yes.” He grinned.
Luke ran his fingers up Jesse’s chest idly. “So you…don’t have much experience?”
“I know, it’s lame.”
“It’s not lame.” Luke drew Jesse’s face back towards him, his finger under his chin. “It’s hot, actually.” He kissed him softly.
“It is?” Jesse smiled shyly.
“It is.” Just the thought of being the first one inside Jesse’s ass, how tight he would be—Luke felt a heady rush of desire. “So how did a guy as gorgeous as you not get fucked ten ways to Sunday by the time you were sixteen?”
Jesse took a deep breath and blew it out. “Something happened when I was younger. Did a real number on me, I guess.”
“What happened?” Luke felt a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. “I mean, if you want to tell me.”
Jesse took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. “There was this guy who lived next door. Rich Sadler, his name was. We used to play together, and when we were around twelve, stuff started to happen. We messed around, jerked each other off. One day in his garage, I kissed him.” Jesse shook his head, lost in the memory. “He freaked out, starting punching me. I ran home and locked myself in the bathroom for hours; told my mom later that I’d gotten in a fight over a comic book.”
Luke brushed the hair from Jesse’s forehead. “I’m sorry.” He hated the thought of someone hurting Jesse.
“It gets better. A few days later, Rich comes over and tells me he’s sorry. Wants to make it up to me.” Jesse grimaced. “I was so stupid, so trusting. I went with him to the woods where we had a tree house. Some other guys from the neighborhood were waiting. I ran, but they caught me. Called me faggot, kicked me, spit on me. The grand finale was when they pissed all over me.”
“Bastards.” Luke tried to control the anger surging up inside him. He felt like breaking something, preferably someone’s face. He pulled Jesse closer, pillowing Jesse’s head on his chest as he rubbed his back.
“After that, I started putting all my effort into tennis, into running. I told myself that I may be a faggot, but no one was ever going to catch me again.” Jesse sniffed. “I bet you’re sorry you asked, huh? God, I’m not normally this melodramatic, I swear.”
Luke kissed the top of Jesse’s head. “I’m not sorry. Only for the way I’ve been acting. I’ve got my own issues, as I’m sure you’ve noticed.”
“Uh, yeah. You could say that.”
Luke thought about telling Jesse about Nik, but the words died on his tongue. Somehow, it felt wrong to talk about him with Jesse warm and alive in his arms.
Jesse laughed with a hint of nervousness. “Well, we’re quite a pair. We could keep a shrink busy for hours on end. Our neuroses have neuroses.”
Luke found himself chuckling, too, much to his surprise. “You can say that again.”
The smile left Jesse’s face and he looked intently at Luke. “So…where does that leave us?” He ducked his head. “I really like you. A lot.” His eyes found Luke’s again. “But if you’re not ready for this, tell me now.”
Luke took a deep breath, blowing it out slowly. Was he ready? Could he let someone else in, let Jesse get close? Jesse bit his lip, watching him anxiously. Luke thought about how his life had been before Nik died. Thought about the emptiness after.
His lips met Jesse’s, his hand cupping his face. “I’m ready.”
They kissed slowly, with no fire, no rush. Jesse turned on his side and Luke spooned up close behind him, Jesse’s hair soft on Luke’s cheek. As he drifted away, Luke dreamt of running over a huge green tennis court, the grass soft beneath his feet.
When Luke woke the next morning, he was alone. He shook off the stupor of sleep and sat up in bed, his heart rate increasing.
He really, really wanted Jesse to still be there.
The faint sound of running water reached his ears and he noticed the bathroom door was closed. Relief coursed through him as he nudged the door open and saw Jesse’s form through the opaque shower curtain.