Love Match (Love Match 1)

“It’s so good to see you again,” Luke murmured.

“You, too.”

“I missed you.”

Jesse leaned back and kissed Luke tenderly. “I missed you, too.” His fingers grazed Luke’s cheek and then he took a step backwards, squaring his shoulders.

“What’s wrong?”

“Luke …”

“No one followed you, did they? I hired security to stay at the end of the driveway to keep the press away. It should be fine.”

Jesse walked into the living room and shook his head. “No, no one followed me.”

“What is it?” He sounded…defeated, and it was putting Luke on edge. He reached out for him, but Jesse backed up a step.

“I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but…somehow I am.”

“What? Jesse, what’s going on?” Luke’s heart began thumping in his chest.

“I can’t do this. I can’t live a lie.”

“What? You’re upset, I understand.”

“No! I don’t think you do.” Jesse took a shuddering breath, blowing it out slowly. “I came home from London and talked to my parents. I told them that there was nothing going on, that it was a misunderstanding, that I wasn’t gay. Luke, I lied to their faces.”

“It’s just the way it has to be for now. I know it’s hard.” Luke tried to take his hand, but Jesse moved out of reach.

“You should have seen my father’s expression. I can’t get it out of my mind. He was so disappointed. He can barely look at me anymore; he knows I’m lying. My mother knows. They all know, Luke. I think they always have. They were just waiting for me to say something.”

“Okay, so tell your family the truth. You’re right, they deserve to know.” Luke thought of his own mother, of her acceptance. “And you deserve it, too. I was wrong.”

“I am going to tell them. Tonight.”

“Okay. You’re right, you should. I was being selfish. I’m sorry.” He tried once more to draw Jesse near.

“I’m sorry, too.” Jesse’s eyes glistened and he kept Luke at arm’s length. “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t sneak around and pretend that I’m someone I’m not. Now that everyone suspects, we’ll never have a moment’s peace, wondering who’s listening or watching or taking pictures. I can’t live like that.”

“Jesse, you’re upset. It’ll be fine.” Luke’s heart was hammering in his chest and fear chilled his veins. “It’ll be okay.”

“No, it won’t. I can’t be with you if we’re not going to be honest.”

“Honest?” Luke snapped. “Can you imagine what it would be like on the tour if the guys knew the truth? What it would be like in the locker room? All we’d get for our honesty is grief.”

“Maybe. But someone has to be the first; someone has to have the balls.”

“What, so you can do the talk show circuit and write a moving autobiography on being the first openly gay male tennis player? I’m sure Oprah will lap it up. Is that what this is about? Getting attention?”

“No!” Jesse moved even further away, incredulity on his face. “I can’t believe you’d think that. This is about being honest. About being me. It took a long time to figure out just who that was. I can’t sneak around, always looking over my shoulder. Always waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

“So, what, it’s over? Just like that?” Luke’s stomach roiled. He wanted to pinch himself and wake up. This had to be a nightmare.

“Unless you can come clean. Come out. People may surprise you, Luke. Maybe it won’t be that bad.” Jesse reached out his hand, but it was Luke’s turn to back away.

“It will be. In case you haven’t noticed, anti-gay sentiment is running pretty high in this country. Not to mention other places in the world. I couldn’t even go to some tournaments because I’d be afraid for my life.”

“But there are plenty of lesbians on the women’s tour, and they’re fine.”

“It’s not the same. It’s just not, and you know it.”

“Okay, it’s not. But it doesn’t mean it can’t change.”

“Well, I’m not going to be the guinea pig, Jesse. I’m thirty-four fucking years old. My career is almost over. Hell, this could be it for me on tour after this year. I need to concentrate on winning, not on being a poster boy for gay rights groups.”

“I know. I understand. I do. I won’t say anything publicly right now, not until you’ve retired. Just ‘no comment,’ I guess. Only because I know what it’ll do to you.”

Luke huffed in frustration. “So then it’s fine, we can still see each other.”

“No, Luke. We can’t. I can’t sneak around and pretend that I’m not seeing you. That I don’t love you.” Tears threatened to spill from Jesse’s eyes and Luke longed to take him into his arms.

“Jess…what are you…so that’s it? It’s over?”

Sniffing, Jesse shrugged sadly. “Yeah, I guess it is. I don’t feel like I have any choice.”