“Hey, buddy. Thanks.” Mike still seemed awkward, and Luke realized that things probably would never go back to the way they used to be. He missed his friend.
“Guess I’ll see you around.” Luke shut his locker and was gone.
Luke’s first two matches were a breeze and he spent some time playing tennis with local kids and doing some publicity events around the city. He played a short match with another player on a court set up at the foot of the CN Tower. A huge crowd gathered, as the Blue Jays were playing at the dome next door.
Luke signed hundreds of autographs, his hand sore by the time he was whisked away to watch the baseball game in a special box. Waitresses served canapés and martinis, and one flirted shamelessly with Luke. She was small and blonde and all he could think of was Jesse. He hobnobbed with the Tennis Canada bigwigs and played his part, smiling and joking and being an ambassador for the sport.
It was exhausting sometimes.
The tournament rolled on, and Luke made the semis in relatively easy fashion. Then he came up against Stein Koehler once again. The sneering German still made innuendo-laced comments to Luke whenever he saw him, but Luke was determined to ignore it.
He was also determined to beat him. He flew Aaron up to Toronto so he’d have a friend in the stands and toyed with the idea of asking his mother to come. But she had her own life, her own business. She couldn’t just leave the flower store at the drop of a hat.
Unfortunately, the match didn’t go Luke’s way. In fact, it was a disaster. Luke just couldn’t seem to find his groove and Koehler took him in straight sets, 6-4, 6-3. When they shook hands at the net, Luke forced a smile onto his face and uttered a few meaningless words of congratulations.
Luke showered quickly and dutifully put in his appearance at the press conference afterwards. He answered questions with the standard doublespeak athletes use, talking about giving a hundred and ten percent and getting his legs under him and in the end, not really saying much of anything at all. However, he did vow to be in top form at the U.S. Open in two weeks.
That night in Luke’s hotel room, Aaron sipped a light beer and looked out at the city’s high rises in the distance.
“Your training couldn’t be better; you’re in the best shape possible. It’s your mental game that’s not up to snuff, Luke.”
Sitting back against the headboard, Luke swallowed some of his own beer. “Maybe. On the other hand, maybe that bastard is just impossible to beat. He’s been number one all year for a reason.”
“No one’s impossible to beat. You just need to keep focused and find his weak spot.”
Luke snorted. “Well, he’s certainly found mine. I can’t prove it, but I know he tipped off the press in London.”
“You need to just forget about that. Focus on your game.”
“Easy for you to say. If it wasn’t for that son of a bitch, Jesse would be here right now.”
“Well, pardon me.”
Luke smiled. “Sorry. You know what I mean.”
Aaron flopped down on the bed. “Yeah, I know. But you know, I’m not sure things would be so different.”
“What are you talking about?” Luke peered down at Aaron beside him. Of course things would be different.
“Maybe it wouldn’t have happened so fast, but it would have happened. Jesse would have gotten tired of hiding eventually.”
“You don’t know that.”
Aaron took a long look at Luke and said, “Yeah, I do. And I can’t blame him.”
“Oh, so you’re taking his side?” Luke slammed his beer down on the side table.
“It’s not about sides.”
“You’re supposed to be my friend.” Luke knew he sounded like a twelve-year-old, but he couldn’t stop himself.
Sitting up, Aaron shook his head. “I am your friend. That’s why I’m saying this. Because someone has to. You’re so stuck in the closet that you can’t see how it affects the people around you.”
“Well, do enlighten me.”
“You won’t even admit to people that I’m gay, and I’ve been out of the closet since I was sixteen! I’m a personal trainer. In LA. The only people who really believe I’m straight are…well, actually, I’m not sure there is anyone.”
“So what, does it kill you to not be waving a rainbow pride flag around when you’re with me?”
He sighed. “I play along when I’m with you because you pay me a hell of a lot of money, and because you’re my friend. But if I were Jesse, I would have done the same thing. It’s too tiring to pretend to be someone you’re not all the time.”
Luke sprang up off the bed and paced the room. “You think I don’t know that? It’s the way it has to be. They’ll never accept a queer on the men’s tour. Hiding who we are is just as much for Jesse’s sake as it is mine. His whole career is ahead of him!”