Jesse McAllister.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Luke tried to get in some practice but couldn’t stay focused. Instead, he went to the hotel gym and tried to lose himself running on the treadmill, his iPod playing loudly in his ears. Of all the times for him to play against Jesse! He could already see the headlines, hear the giggles and whispers.
Over a hundred men in the draw, and he had to face Jesse. If it had been a month or so earlier, at least they would be talking about it. Luke wasn’t sure whether he should call him, or not say anything until they met in the locker room before the match. Really, what could he say? They both wanted to win.
Someone had to lose.
He had just finished up on the leg press when Mike walked in. Luke gave him a wave and a tentative smile, which Mike returned. Yet he stayed on the other side of the gym and didn’t look Luke’s way again. Luke tried to go back to his workout, but after a while, he gave up.
Luke picked at his chicken breast dinner and half-heartedly pushed his food around his plate until there was a knock at his door. He opened it to find Mike in the hallway.
“Mike.” Luke couldn’t hide his surprise.
“Hey. How’s it going?”
“Fine. Well, not really, but you know.” Luke shrugged.
“I was just around and I thought…”
Luke motioned over his shoulder at his room. “You want to come in?”
“Sure.”
“Want something to drink? Beer?” Luke opened the minibar, feeling strangely nervous. He and Mike had hung out a million times before, but everything was awkward and strange now.
“Sure, beer would be great.” Mike pulled out the desk chair and sat down.
When they both had drinks, Luke perched on the end of the bed. “So…” He had no idea what to say to his friend of over ten years. “Great match today, taking Southard in straights.”
“Yeah, thanks.” Mike took a sip of his beer. “You didn’t look so hot. Your serve was pretty weak.”
“You’re telling me.” He and Mike had always been honest with each other, and Luke felt a strange sense of relief in the fact that some things hadn’t changed. “I’d better get my shit together or I’ll never get anywhere near the final.”
“First you’ll have to win your next match.”
“Yeah.” Luke wasn’t sure what else to say. There was a lot he wanted to say, but would Mike want to hear it?
“It must be hard. Playing him. Jesse.”
Luke kept his eyes trained on the carpet. There was a light stain near the bottom of the TV stand. Looked like soda, maybe. “Yeah. It’s going to be hard.”
“I thought he’d be here; I didn’t want to…interrupt.”
Luke’s smile twisted. “No worries on that count. We broke up when I got back from London.”
“Oh. Sorry to hear it.”
“Are you?” Luke was genuinely curious.
“Yeah, I am. You were really happy there for a little while. I haven’t seen you like that in a long time. Not since before Nik died. And maybe even not then.”
“Yeah.” Luke swallowed the lump that was rising in his throat. “The last time we spoke it…didn’t end so well.”
“Oh. So, you haven’t talked to him yet about this? About playing each other?”
He shook his head. “Not really sure what to say. I mean, it’s a match, just like any other. One winner, one loser. The end.” Except it wasn’t just like any other match, and Luke knew it.
“It’s hard enough playing a friend in a Slam, let alone…let alone your…well, I guess he’s not your boyfriend anymore.”
Luke drained the rest of his beer and laughed hollowly. “Nope, I guess not.”
“So…why’d you break up? I mean, you were so happy there for a while.”
“You really want to hear this?”
Mike smiled, and Luke could see the nervous tension there—but also the sincerity. “Yeah, I really do. Look, I’ve acted like a real jerk this summer. I always thought I was a pretty liberal guy, but it freaked me out more than I thought it would. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. As long as things can go back to the way they were. No more weirdness?”
“No more weirdness.” Mike raised his bottle and Luke knocked it with his own. “Okay, so what happened with Jesse?”
“He wants to come out, tell the world we’re queer.”
“Whoa,” Mike whistled. “That would make for a tough road on the tour. You’d have a hard time with a lot of the guys.”
“Tell me about it.” Mike understood, why couldn’t Jesse? “And he’s barely gotten started; he’d be screwing himself over for nothing.”
“Well, not for nothing.”
“What do you mean?”
Mike shrugged. “I can’t imagine what it’s like, pretending to be someone you’re not. Being honest would be damn hard, no doubt about it. But maybe it’s worth it in the end.”
“Easy for you to say.” Luke knew he sounded bitter, but he couldn’t help it.