“Yeah?” Max’s voice trembled.
“Absolutely. Whatever you do, she would be so proud. You’re amazing.”
Max’s eyes glistened as he met Jeremy’s gaze. “Even if I don’t follow through on my promise?”
“Yes.”
“When she died, I made all sorts of vows to her and God. I don’t even know if I believe in God anymore. I’m definitely not a good Catholic.”
“Is anyone?”
He laughed softly. “Probably not so much. My mom seemed perfect to me, but I know she wasn’t. But law school was the plan for almost as long as I can remember. Shifting gears is scary. I like plans.”
“You can make a new one. Have you thought about what else you might do?”
“I think I want to be a teacher.”
“Oh, you’d be great at that. That feels so right for you.”
“Yeah?” Max’s shoulders relaxed, his face animated. “I can see myself in a classroom. When I think about courtrooms… It feels like an obligation. It doesn’t excite me. But I don’t know. I don’t want to make the wrong choice.”
“You’d probably have to wait a year to apply for teachers college, right? If you get into law school, you could defer. Apply to be a teacher and give yourself the time to really think about it.”
Max half laughed. “I guess if you want to be logical and reasonable about it instead of wound up and stressed.”
“It’s just an idea.” Jeremy grinned as Max pulled him into a hug.
“Thank you. Guess we both needed to get out of our own way.” He leaned back. “I should look at the email, shouldn’t I?”
“You look at the email, and I’ll tell my parents that we’re more than friends.”
He hadn’t planned on saying it—hadn’t even thought about telling his parents after his mother’s outburst. But now that the words were out, he knew this was what he needed to do. This wasn’t a phase. He wasn’t going to hide, and if that meant his family cut him off, so be it.
Max nodded. “Deal. Here goes nothing.” He tapped his phone, his face lit by the harsh light. He mumbled, “Click here. Then there. Loading…” His spine zipped up straight. “Whoa. Aced it.”
“Congrats?”
“Yeah. You know what? That feels good. I worked hard for that.” He looked at Jeremy. “And I don’t think I want to go to law school.”
“That’s okay.”
“It is, isn’t it?”
They held each other on the hearth in silence, simply breathing together. Jeremy imagined he could feel Max’s stress melting away and acceptance taking its place.
There was a faint buzz, and Max looked down at his phone again. “Shit, a text from my dad. We’d better get back for dinner.” He tapped a reply, and they hurriedly finished packing and gearing up.
With his glasses off and helmet on, the world was a blur of snow and shadows. He held onto Max as they drove back along the winding road, Max going slowly in the dark, a light snow falling. Jeremy’s butt was tender, and he reveled in it.
The house and barn glowed with colored Christmas lights, the starbursts of red, green, blue, yellow, and pink beautiful. While Max put away the snowmobile in the garage, Jeremy put his glasses back on, the lights no less beautiful for being in focus. He inhaled deeply.
“This feels like peace on Earth.”
“And good will to men?”
“I think there’s something about bells?”
“We can ask Valerie. She’s a walking encyclopedia of Christmas carols.”
Their boots crunched in the snow as they strolled toward the house. The porch was awash in color from the outdoor bulbs and the golden-lit tree in the front window. Jeremy took out his phone and held it up. “Think a selfie will come out?”
Slinging his arm about Jeremy, Max took the phone and positioned them, turning this way and that until he was satisfied. “Smile.” He lowered the phone. “Yeah. That’s a great one. Can you send it to me?”
Jeremy stared at the pic. He and Max had their heads together, the pom-poms on their toques meeting. Their smiles were bright in the glow of the flattering Christmas lights. Before he could talk himself out of it, he tapped out a text to his parents and attached the pic.
Hope you guys had a great day in Honolulu. This is Max. Mom, you were right—we’re more than friends. This isn’t a phase I’m going through. I’m gay. I hope you can accept that. Please tell Sean I miss him. I miss you all. I love you.
He tilted the phone at Max. “Does this sound okay?” His mouth was suddenly dry.
Max nodded. “That sounds perfect. Are you sure you’re ready? There’s no pressure. If you want to think about it more, take your time.”
He’d spent so long thinking and thinking and thinking. His finger hovered over the screen.
The front door opened and Meg stuck out her head. “There you are! Get in here, you goobers. Dinner’s ready.”