Ben’s knee grazed Jason’s lower back, just below his life jacket. Under the wide blue sky, blinking into the sun as the river ebbed and flowed, Jason gripped his paddle.
Holy shit.
Then he admitted the truth.
I’m attracted to Ben.
He rolled the words around in his head, new and confusing—but undeniable.
“Has anyone ever fallen out?” Maggie’s voice had returned to normal, and her tears were dry.
“Oh, a few times,” Ben answered. “But only when they weren’t paying attention. I know I won’t have that problem today with this crew. Okay, it’s time to start paddling. Remember, do as I say, and know which side of the boat you’re on—left or right.”
“Isn’t it port or starboard?” Maggie asked. “Like in the song about barges?”
Ben chuckled. “Jason, you’ve got quite the budding sailor here. Yes, port is left, and starboard is right. But we find it easier not to confuse people with nautical terms, especially on a raft. Okay, we’re coming up on our first rapid. Can you hear the water?”
The group nodded, and Jason’s pulse raced. The rapid came into sight, and Ben barked out an order for them to all paddle. Then the raft was flying through the air and splashing down in the roiling water, sweeping around rocks.
“Right side, paddle hard! Hard!” Ben shouted.
Jason was on the right, and he paddled as forcefully as he could, Maggie screaming with delight at his side. Almost like magic, the raft neatly avoided slamming into an outcropping of rocks.
They glided out of the rapid as the river calmed once again. The current remained strong, and pulled them along at a steady pace.
“That was awesome!” Maggie clapped her hands. “I want to do it again!”
Ben laughed. “Don’t worry, there are plenty more where that came from.”
“How do you know when to paddle and how to avoid the rocks?” Jason turned to ask, wiping the water that had sprayed up over his face.
“Experience. After you’ve been down this river hundreds and hundreds of times, you know it like the back of your hand. Every eddy, every rock, every tree stump.”
“Nice to know we’re in good hands.”
“That you are.” Ben smiled, and…winked?
Whipping back around, Jason clutched at the rope lining the raft. Ben didn’t…there was no way he was…he couldn’t be… He couldn’t he hitting on Jason? Could he? Jason’s new truth echoed through his head, joined by a question.
I’m attracted to Ben. Is he attracted to me?
“Paddles up!” Ben’s low, commanding voice sent a shiver down Jason’s spine. “We’ve got another rapid coming.”
They were off again, water spraying up, cries of exhilaration all around as the raft successfully navigated the twists and turns of the river. After two rapids in close succession, the current calmed once more, and the raft drifted almost to a stop.
“Okay, here’s the part where we all jump in and get the blood pumping.” Ben gave Jason a playful nudge. “Come on, get the ball rolling.”
Dipping his hand into the water, Jason couldn’t hold in a yelp. “Oh my God, that’s freezing!”
“Duh, it’s from the glacier, Dad.”
“Hey, watch it or you’ll be the first one in!” Jason tickled Maggie under her arms, and she giggled and squirmed.
“It’s hot out here. I’m ready for a dip.” With that, Ben stood, dropped his helmet and life jacket at his feet, and somersaulted off the back of the raft. His splash soaked Jason and Maggie, who both gasped and sputtered.
“Come on, Dad!”
“Okay, okay.” Jason took off his helmet and helped Maggie with hers. Keeping their jackets on, they paused at the side of the raft as another member of their group jumped. Was this really a good idea? What if Maggie caught a cold?
But she grinned up at him, face alight, her little hand clutching his, and Jason couldn’t deny her. He called, “One, two, three!” and propelled them off the raft. The frigid water was a slap in the face, and his whole body seized.
Maggie shrieked and flapped around joyfully, screaming about how cold it was. Another raft had made its way down the river, and some of those people jumped in as well. Ben swam up and splashed water in Jason’s face.
“Hey, I’m already soaked!” Jason laughed and splashed back, his heart like a drum.
Their legs tangled under the water, bodies pressed close, only separated by the bulk of Jason’s life jacket. They both wore long shorts, and their calves rubbed together as they treaded water, skin slick, friction from their leg hair sending shivers through Jason.
He realized he didn’t really need to try to keep himself afloat with the life jacket on, and with a nervous laugh that sounded like a weird honk, he propelled himself backwards and away as Ben watched him with a little smile. Jason’s mind whirled.
Is Ben gay? Am I making something out of nothing? Is this something? What’s going on with me?