Ends of the Earth

“And what about for you?”

“I was the failure. I didn’t seem to matter anymore. I refused, and thank God I turned eighteen so there was nothing they could do. I left and took Maggie. They hired a lawyer and tried to get custody. Said I wasn’t fit to be a father.”

“Jesus.”

“Ah, but it was for my own good, and Maggie’s.” Jason huffed, a puff of warmth on Ben’s skin.

“Did Amy have any other family to help?”

“She had an aunt and cousins who helped out a little at first, but you know how it is… People have their own lives. They meant well, but they were busy. They send Christmas cards and we’re friends on Facebook, but that’s about it. In the end, it’s always been just me and Maggie.”

“What did you do for money?”

“Got the job at the cookie factory. It’s not exciting, but it pays well enough and there’s a union. A daycare down the block at the YMCA. I basically worked just to pay the fees. We lived in a tiny studio apartment the first few years, but it was worth it.”

“How did you know what to do? To take care of a baby, I mean.”

“Googled a lot. Read parenting books from the library. Winged it and prayed I wouldn’t break her.”

Ben smiled in the darkness. “I imagine that’s what most people do. Did it go to court with your parents?”

“Briefly. Judge sided with me, and that was it. I haven’t seen them since.”

Ben wanted to say good riddance, but instead said, “Most people would have given in. I admire you so much.”

Jason snorted. “Me? I’m nothing special.”

“You realize how hard it is to raise kids? Or so I’m told. I always thought I’d have some, but I guess it’s not in the cards.”

Jason’s fingers wrapped around Ben’s forearm, squeezing and sparking a shiver in him even through his jacket. “You’d be an amazing father. You’re so good with Maggie. She really likes you.” He inhaled sharply, grip tightening. “God, I can’t…”

“We’ll find her. I promise.” Ben knew it wasn’t a vow he should make, but he wanted to believe it was true with all his heart.

Faint light fought through the thick foliage as Ben stirred. He’d dozed maybe an hour, and Jason had finally settled, exhaustion winning. Carefully pushing himself up to sitting, he could just make out Jason’s face, slack and even younger-looking in sleep, his lips parted and sandy waves sticking up every which way.

Before he could even think, Ben reached out to smooth down Jason’s hair, snatching back his hand just in time. He didn’t have the right.

He crept away to piss against a tree and wash his face in the stream, bracing against the splash of freezing water. At least his face felt normal now, and the hives had faded. He popped a few more antihistamines to be on the safe side and splashed his face again. Despite shuddering in the early cold, a flush heated Ben’s skin as memories barged through his mind.

He should never have returned Jason’s frantic kiss. The man was at the end of his rope, utterly desperate. But along with desire—and he couldn’t deny that it still stirred in him now, his groin tightening as he imagined kissing Jason again—the urge to protect and comfort tugged sharply.

With Brad, naturally they’d had moments of comforting each other over the years, but Ben had never felt such a powerful urge to shelter and care for someone. Of course he and Brad had never experienced such a trauma. Maybe Jason’s age played a role as well. He was a grown man, but he carried an innocence that went beyond his baby face.

The night before, Ben had been desperate to take Jason in his arms, if only to hold him close. But kissing him back had nearly sent Jason running into the darkness.

Not that Ben blamed him, especially after the stuttering revelation that Jason had never kissed another man before. At least that’s what Ben had gathered from the halting admission. Jason had been forced to grow up so quickly to be a father, and Ben wondered just how much he’d missed out on.

The emergency blankets rustled, and Ben braced himself to face Jason in the murky dawn half-light, fog hanging low over the trees and thick moisture in the air. Jason rubbed his face blearily before focusing. Their eyes locked for a moment before Jason hurried to the bushes, head down. Ben folded the blankets and packed up the rest of their gear, shouldering the rifle.

When Jason returned, Ben held out a protein bar. “Eat this.”

He shook his head with a grimace. “Not hungry.”

“You need to eat.”

“Can we just go?”

Ben still held the bar out. “We can, but you need to eat this first.”

“Fine.” Jason snatched it, unwrapping it and gnawing off a piece.