Ends of the Earth

But what is the message? What am I trying to say? What do I want him to say?

His breath caught as the wavering three dots appeared on screen, indicating Ben was typing. A moment later, he realized it was the middle of the night in Montana. “Shit,” he muttered, waiting for the message to arrive. “He’s probably telling me I’m an asshole for waking him up and—”

So glad to hear it. Are you okay?

Jason typed with clumsy thumbs.

Yep. Sorry to wake you. Guess I’m jet lagged or something.

He waited for the response. He should have used an emoticon this time. But which one? A wink? A plain smile? Or he could find a gif…

No prob. Glad you’re okay. Keep me posted.

Hmm. What did that really mean? Was Ben just being polite? He was totally just being polite. Or maybe he was trying to be chill and not pressure him? That seemed like something Ben would do since Jason had told him he needed time.

There was so much Jason wanted to say, but he had to let Ben get back to sleep, so he typed:

Will do. Thanks.

He stared at his phone for a few minutes, but there was nothing else from Ben. Which made sense since it was the middle of the night. And maybe Ben was having second thoughts. They lived so far apart, and now that the adrenaline rush of what they’d shared was wearing off, maybe the reality that they’d only just met was setting in.

Maybe, maybe, maybe.

The pale light of dawn brightened the gleaming floors as Jason finished mopping and sat heavily on the side of the futon. His muscles ached, but as soon as he stopped moving and cleaning, his mind filled once more with endless questions and futile longing.

Should I let my parents help? What’s Ben doing right now? Is he sleeping again? What does his bedroom look like? Is it right to make things as normal as possible for Maggie? What if I’m doing it all wrong? I don’t know what I’m doing.

“You’re awake already.”

Jason jerked his head up from his hands to find Maggie outside her room. She rubbed her eyes and said, “You hardly ever get up before I do. You don’t have to work today, do you?” Her voice rose slightly. “Am I going to the Y?”

He smiled, shoving everything else away. “No, not today. Work is letting me take a few sick days, so I don’t have to go back until next week. I thought we could hang out and get settled back in. Then you can go to day camp Monday if you want.”

What if it’s too much for her? What if it’s too much for me? I don’t want her out of my sight. Who’s going to look after her? I have to work, and I already paid the day camp fees. Can’t afford a sitter. The utility bill is due, and my Visa will be way higher than normal, and she needs new clothes for school in September, and what if the insurance screws me on the hospital bills and—

“Okay. That sounds good.” She padded into the bathroom and shut the door.

Jason rubbed his face, willing his brain to shut off. Sleep wasn’t going to happen, so once Maggie was done, he turned on the coffee machine and had a long, hot shower. Not bothering to shave, he pulled on sweatpants and a T-shirt and grabbed the recycling and another couple bags of clutter he’d sorted through. There were always junk collectors coming by to grab stuff left by the garbage bins outside the building.

“Mags, I’m taking this stuff down. Be back soon. I took a loaf of bread out of the freezer for toast, and there’s peanut butter in the cupboard.”

Chirping birds greeted him, the day already hot. His flip-flops slapped on the concrete as he headed around the side of the building to where the garbage and recycling bins sat.

“Mr. Kellerman!” A tall woman, immaculately coifed and dressed in a power suit, strode toward him.

“Jesus!” He almost spilled the stupid recycling again, this time only a plastic bottle rolling out.

The woman smiled. “Sorry to startle you.”

He eyed her warily as he dumped the cans and bottles into the bin with a crash. “It’s fine. Can I help you?”

“You can. I’m Elizabeth Wheeler with People Magazine. America needs to hear your story, Mr. Kellerman. A story of bravery and courage and a father’s love—”

“No. Look, we don’t want to be interviewed. We don’t want to be on TV, and we don’t want to be in People. Please leave us alone.”

“But yours is such an inspiring story.” She was the picture of sympathy and understanding, her voice soothing. “Just think of the good you can do other families out there who’ve been in similar situations.”

Jason barked out a laugh. “With all due respect, I think our situation was pretty unique. You’ll have to find someone else to inspire the world.”