When Dee climbed out of the jeep, wearing her uniform pants but having swapped her button-up shirt for a Grateful Dead concert tee, he pasted on a smile. “You lost? I have a map if you need it.”
She pulled out several large Tupperware containers from the back seat and walked up onto the porch. “You need fattening up, Hettler.” She passed him without waiting for an invitation.
“Come on in.” Ben followed her into the kitchen of his cabin, the screen door bouncing shut behind him. “You know, I can feed myself.”
Dee grunted and opened the fridge. “It would help to have some actual food then. With vegetables and everything.”
“Okay, okay. Thank you. Have a beer and relax.”
Already twisting the cap off a bottle, Dee smiled. “Don’t mind if I do.” She headed back onto the porch.
Ben shuffled around his impressive condiment collection and container of chili he’d defrosted and had only picked at. Beer took up most of the bottom shelf of the fridge. He neatly stacked the Tupperware containers and closed the door after grabbing himself a bottle.
The cabin was basically one room with a toilet and bedroom opening off to the side. His couch was worn and the old wildlife paintings faded. He really did need to spruce the place up, but…later. Maybe after the summer, when work wasn’t as busy. Not that he was working at the moment, much to his chagrin.
He paused at the wobbly kitchen table, fingertips gliding over the heavy books he’d piled there, guilt and deep need battling. No, he wouldn’t let himself look at what was underneath. Dee was waiting.
On the porch, Dee rocked in the other chair, which was newer and still had a gleaming polish on the dark wood. She pulled a bag of party mix out of a canvas tote by her feet and tore it open. “I didn’t only bring healthy crap. I’m not a complete monster.”
Chuckling, Ben eased into his rocker and reached into the bag for a handful of cheese twists, nacho chips, and pretzels. “Thanks.”
He gazed out at the trees. The sun was still high in the early evening sky, the air calm and warm. But before they knew it, the long summer days would pass and temperatures would drop. The thought of another lonely winter in the cabin constricted his chest.
“How are you holding up?” Dee asked.
“Fine. I’d be better if I could get back to work. This leave of absence Brad ordered is ridiculous.”
She sipped her beer. “Well, I don’t agree with the schmuck on a lot of things, but he’s right on this one. I know you don’t want to hear it, but you need some time to get your ducks in a row after what you went through. You’re getting paid to relax. So relax already. You’ll be back in no time.”
“I don’t need to relax!” He realized he was almost shouting, and took a deep breath.
Dee pushed up her round glasses on her nose. “Clearly.”
Ben had to laugh, the pressure easing. “Okay, so I’m a bit tense. I’m going stir crazy sitting around doing nothing. Any exciting gossip from the office?”
“You mean since the psycho killer kidnapped a little girl and you and her father heroically—if somewhat foolishly—went on a rescue mission?”
He laughed. “Nothing’s happened to top it?”
“The guard rail on route twelve needs repairs and we had to give a camper a stern talking-to for playing loud music over at the Nettle Creek site.”
“These are crazy times we live in.”
They drank and munched, watching a chipmunk scurry across the small lawn to scratch at something by a tree stump. Then Dee asked, “Have you spoken to Jason?”
He shrugged, going for careless and probably landing on spastic. “Not really. Just a few texts.” Stilted, awkward texts that made him cringe every time he looked at them, which was too often.
“So you’re going to pretend you’re fine with that?”
“That’s the plan.”
Dee pulled the elastic off her ponytail and let her graying hair hang loose. “Fake it ’til you make it, huh?”
“Something like that. It shouldn’t even bother me. I only knew him and Maggie a week.”
“Hell of a week, though. It’s okay to care.”
He peeled off a strip from the damp label of his beer bottle. “You know what they say about relationships based on intense experiences. They don’t last.”
Dee smirked. “Yeah, I saw Speed. I think Sandra suggests they base it on sex instead. He’s a handsome young man. That could work out.”
Ben’s laugh was hollow. “I don’t know. I think I scared him off. Besides, Jason and Maggie live on the other side of the country. They have their life, and I have mine.”
“Mmm.”
“Jason has to put Maggie first. I understand that.”
You’re not a father.
Jason’s words echoed through Ben’s mind, and he wished they didn’t hurt so much.
“Well, of course. But you’re great with kids. I bet she adores you. I don’t see why it has to be one or the other. Have you tried to reach out again?”