Ends of the Earth

“But it’s exactly what happened,” Tim said. He looked from their parents to Jason and back again. “How did you all let this get so fucked up?”

“Timothy.”

Tim barked out a laugh. “What, Mom? ‘Language?’ I think we’re all fucking old enough to handle it. So come on, let’s get it all out. You guys screwed up. Big time. And Jay shouldn’t have run away without at least calling to say he and Maggie were okay.” To Jason, he added, “That really sucked, man. You didn’t even call me. I get why you were pissed at them. But what did I do?”

“You didn’t do anything, I swear.” Jason hated the pain etched on his brother’s face.

“I was a kid, and you just took off. Didn’t you care about me? I know I was annoying, and I swiped your video games and hogged the bathroom and ate the last cookies—”

“No! It wasn’t anything you did. You didn’t do anything wrong.” Jason raked a hand through his hair, trying to find the right words. “I texted you, but they changed your number.”

“That wasn’t until after the court case,” Robert said.

“I just… I didn’t want to involve you.” Jason cringed at his lame excuse.

“Like I wasn’t involved?” Tim shook his head. “Dude, I was involved. Trust me. I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t go anywhere. They were so paranoid something would happen to me too. Not only was my brother gone without a word, I was stuck here without you. And then after you got custody, they put all their focus on me.” He looked between their parents. “I know you guys didn’t mean to smother me. It was just intense sometimes.”

Their father nodded. “I can understand that.”

Tim said, “But the real problem is that none of you tried to fix this.”

The words hung in the thick silence as they stared at each other. They’d been a family once upon a time—flawed and imperfect, but a family nonetheless. Now they were strangers, and in that moment, Jason truly realized how much he’d lost. How much they’d all lost.

Pointing, Tim accused Jason. “You wanted so damn badly to prove you were a grown-up, and clearly you’ve worked your ass off raising Maggie. But aren’t adults supposed to be mature and not hold grudges? And okay, my phone number changed. So that was it? You just gave up? There was no other way to get in touch? It’s not like you didn’t know where I lived.”

Fidgeting with hot shame, Jason whispered, “You’re right. I’m sorry. I was too wrapped up in my own pain. I was determined not to need anyone and to prove everyone wrong. I didn’t think about how you felt.” Saying it out loud was like swallowing shards of glass. “I told myself you’d contact me if you wanted to. I put the ball in your court. It wasn’t fair.”

Tim swallowed hard. “I realize I’m being a hypocrite because I didn’t contact you when I got older. But I was too afraid you’d hang up or shut the door in my face. So I didn’t try either.”

Jason looked at his brother and parents, the three people he’d once been closest to in the world. “It doesn’t matter whose fault it is, or what any of us did or didn’t do. Let’s just fix it now and move forward. What do you say?”

In unison, they said, “Yes.”

His mother got dessert—Jason’s favorite from childhood, a strawberry shortcake with fresh cream—and they joined Maggie in the den, balancing their bowls on their knees and watching chimps dig for termites. His life had become one surreal moment after the next.

Thoughts of Ben circled like a shark, guilt building. Tim was right. Jason had absolutely run away. After everything that had happened—both terrible and amazing—he’d retreated desperately, grasping at some semblance of normalcy. Any bit of control he could cling to after losing Maggie and barely getting her back.

Even now, he wished he could curl up and go to sleep just for a little while so he didn’t have to think.

“Aren’t they clever, using sticks like that,” Shelly said.

Jason refocused on the TV as Maggie offered, “No one knew they used tools until Jane Goodall saw them. I did a project on her.”

“Oh, how interesting!” Mom smiled. “We’d love to see your project sometime.”

There was still so much to hash out with his family, and it was awkward, eggshells everywhere underfoot. But surrounded by his parents and brother for the first time in years, Maggie tucked into his side, it was a start.

CHAPTER NINETEEN

“Um, hey. Tim?” Pressing the phone too tightly to his ear, Jason reminded himself to breathe. Sit down and chill out.

“Jay?”

Adjusting his sunglasses in the morning glare, Jason sat on the bench and kicked off his flip-flops, freshly mown grass soft under his feet. Maggie and Max swung from the monkey bars in the playground. “Yeah. Are you busy? We didn’t get a chance to talk last night, just the two of us.”